wisdomeagle | Entries tagged with people: cynthia

My Christmas card from Cynthia arrived today. She looks very happy, very pretty, very young. She must be creeping up on 40, but she looks exactly as I remember her from... it's been almost four years since I've seen her, four years since Jeane's funeral. Her Christmas newsletter made me smile, and laugh... so good to hear from her. So good to hear that she's doing well. My parents have apparently been cut from her Christmas card list. It's bad, but I feel more loved knowing that it's love I won because I'm me, not because I'm their daughter. Anyhow, I do miss Cynthia.She mentioned her "former parish in New Jersey" in the letter, and I realized with a twinge that we were the only parish she ever served.

Other than that. Exams continue to be done. I don't have much left to do except stay up late reading fic and haphazardly trying to get ready to leave. I think I'm going to further screw up my sleep schedule and try to take a little nap before I write the second half of my Christmas cards.

Sleepy.

Current Mood: content

I feel like falling. A lot. Like crushing something. Something fragile and delicate and glassy. I don't know why. I don't know why I feel like crap so often these days. I'm getting morbid and I've got insomnia again. I can't focus on anything and I'm lonely. I miss my roommate. I miss school. And then I remember how stressed out I was at school, living from moment to moment, and I just want to scream. I want something perfect to happen. Just a week of absolute perfection, not having to feel anything but sheer blissed-out-ness all the time.

Spring break. Spring break was awesome. I was at my roommate's house with her adorably wonderful mother and we could make brownies or watch stuff or do nothing and it was so much fun. It was just... amazingly fun. Hopefully going to KS later this summer will be like that.

Right. That's over a month away and I have to get myself out of this funk or I will die. I can't make my brain stop... I'm going to go check email one last time, then watch "This War is Over" again and write a letter to Cynthia, as I'm mailing her birthday card tomorrow.

I will be okay so long as I keep on typing.

Current Mood: panicky

Dear God,

Thank you for Cynthia, a woman who loves me more deeply than I deserve, who is wiser than anyone else I have ever met, and whose sense of timing is so impossibly accurate that I know you are always with her, guiding her actions and holding her in the palm of your hand.

Thank you that Cynthia cares for me enough to write to me, that my life is full of blessing because of her life, because of the people whose lives she touched in so many ways. Thank you that on today of all days I should get a letter from her, that I should dance in the streets on a day when I usually cry with bitter longing. Thank you.

Love,
RE

Current Mood: delighted

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caffeine diary

like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain

merry (and pippin, too)

jaded

something that needs to be said

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January 2020

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