caffeine diary

I feel like falling. A lot. Like crushing something. Something fragile and delicate and glassy. I don't know why. I don't know why I feel like crap so often these days. I'm getting morbid and I've got insomnia again. I can't focus on anything and I'm lonely. I miss my roommate. I miss school. And then I remember how stressed out I was at school, living from moment to moment, and I just want to scream. I want something perfect to happen. Just a week of absolute perfection, not having to feel anything but sheer blissed-out-ness all the time.

Spring break. Spring break was awesome. I was at my roommate's house with her adorably wonderful mother and we could make brownies or watch stuff or do nothing and it was so much fun. It was just... amazingly fun. Hopefully going to KS later this summer will be like that.

Right. That's over a month away and I have to get myself out of this funk or I will die. I can't make my brain stop... I'm going to go check email one last time, then watch "This War is Over" again and write a letter to Cynthia, as I'm mailing her birthday card tomorrow.

I will be okay so long as I keep on typing.