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HOW IS IT THAT THE WORLD HASN'T ENDED
Feb. 3rd, 2013 07:39 pm?!
[coming out] gender
Aug. 23rd, 2012 06:39 pmI'm genderqueer.
Lo, I did this 30 Day Non-Binary Challenge that I found on Tumblr, only I'm posting it all on one day. Rated Mature for words to name parts, plus some profanity.
( questions I frequently ask myself about my gender )
I'm probably gonna go hide at some point because coming out is terrifying, but quick note for those who're friends with me on Facebook: I'm not out, but I'm not closeted either -- it's my responsibility to come out to people in meatspace, but I don't need you to closet me.
Lo, I did this 30 Day Non-Binary Challenge that I found on Tumblr, only I'm posting it all on one day. Rated Mature for words to name parts, plus some profanity.
( questions I frequently ask myself about my gender )
I'm probably gonna go hide at some point because coming out is terrifying, but quick note for those who're friends with me on Facebook: I'm not out, but I'm not closeted either -- it's my responsibility to come out to people in meatspace, but I don't need you to closet me.
coming out as obligation and choice:
Feb. 15th, 2004 10:07 pmNote: Heterophobic. Literally: fear of straight people. For reasons which are discussed below. Offence is not intended, although it might be given anyhow. Discussion, knee-jerk reactions, and defensiveness are all welcomed.
I think what straight people don't understand about being gay is not the falling in love with same sex part. I mean, basically, it's pretty universal. Love feels the same for everyone. Maybe not. But we think it does. You know? It's within the realm of our experience.
But straight people don't understand about coming out. Because straight people never have to come out. So they don't know. They just don't know. They expect that they should be privy to the information that I'm not straight because... I don't know. Because to them, it's just a label, it's a category, it's a discriminated-against-group.
But to me, it's halfway to saying "This is what I think about when I jerk off. This is what turns me on. These are the feelings that hurt me the most; this is what can make me cry. Not just this one relationship, but... this is what makes me bounce up and down, and this is what makes me sob uncontrollably, and this is what makes me hot."
Sometimes it's not a matter of other people knowing. It's a matter of actually saying it.
I always thought it would be easier if I were in a relationship. So it wouldn't be about me. It would be about us. I wouldn't so much be saying "I find girls attractive" as "This one girl and I, we have this particular kind of relationship." You know?
So why do I feel so guilty about not having told person living in room that I was gay? She wished I had told her. Why? I'm not interested in her at all. If she's worried, she shouldn't be. I wouldn't make a move on her anyhow, and I can lend her a dime or turn off the heater just as easily gay as straight. It doesn't change our relationship at all except now I, at least, feel terribly uncomfortable. I wonder if she does too. Would I?
I really don't know. I can't imagine--simply can't imagine--not liking girls.
Do I have an obligation to tell people I'm going to be living with? I don't know. My dad (who's about as straight as they come) once said that people complaining or being upset or offended by my not telling them don't understand how difficult it is and what's involved in coming out.
*sigh*
I should really do homework. I have so much shit to do, but I'm really tired, and I think I'm just going to go to bed. Way to be mature, Ari.
I think what straight people don't understand about being gay is not the falling in love with same sex part. I mean, basically, it's pretty universal. Love feels the same for everyone. Maybe not. But we think it does. You know? It's within the realm of our experience.
But straight people don't understand about coming out. Because straight people never have to come out. So they don't know. They just don't know. They expect that they should be privy to the information that I'm not straight because... I don't know. Because to them, it's just a label, it's a category, it's a discriminated-against-group.
But to me, it's halfway to saying "This is what I think about when I jerk off. This is what turns me on. These are the feelings that hurt me the most; this is what can make me cry. Not just this one relationship, but... this is what makes me bounce up and down, and this is what makes me sob uncontrollably, and this is what makes me hot."
Sometimes it's not a matter of other people knowing. It's a matter of actually saying it.
I always thought it would be easier if I were in a relationship. So it wouldn't be about me. It would be about us. I wouldn't so much be saying "I find girls attractive" as "This one girl and I, we have this particular kind of relationship." You know?
So why do I feel so guilty about not having told person living in room that I was gay? She wished I had told her. Why? I'm not interested in her at all. If she's worried, she shouldn't be. I wouldn't make a move on her anyhow, and I can lend her a dime or turn off the heater just as easily gay as straight. It doesn't change our relationship at all except now I, at least, feel terribly uncomfortable. I wonder if she does too. Would I?
I really don't know. I can't imagine--simply can't imagine--not liking girls.
Do I have an obligation to tell people I'm going to be living with? I don't know. My dad (who's about as straight as they come) once said that people complaining or being upset or offended by my not telling them don't understand how difficult it is and what's involved in coming out.
*sigh*
I should really do homework. I have so much shit to do, but I'm really tired, and I think I'm just going to go to bed. Way to be mature, Ari.
barbies and coming out
Feb. 15th, 2004 01:09 am OMGWTF ::boggle::.
May I state for the record that my Barbie and first Ken (Howard Ken Howard) had a very happy marriage until Barbie's tragic demise by decapitation.
My actual Ken was never married to Barbie. He had long since divorced his first wife, Anna, and was happily married to Midge whenit was tragically cancelled I grew too old for Barbies.
Likewise, Beth and Bob, Alice and Alicia, and Larry and Lisa are still happily married. I think that other!Kevin and Kelsey's marriage ended with decapitation, as well, though.
In any event, never fear.
Um... in other news....
Wow. Came out to person living in room. Hello. *brain falls out of head*
*hands shake* I'm eighteen years old and I came out for the first time four years ago and my hands are still shaking and I swear I've blushed ten shades of red and pink and every color of the rainbow. Fuck. I swear, they all ask the same questions. How long have you known? Do your parents know? How did they take it? At least she didn't ask how I knew, and I hope she realizes I'm as far from interested in her as... well, as some really elegant metaphor.
My only question is whether it took this long for her to figure it out or this long for her to get up the nerve to ask.
Anyhow. That was... exciting.
Right.
I have two Jack/Harry novella-length ideas that are begging to be written.
May I state for the record that my Barbie and first Ken (Howard Ken Howard) had a very happy marriage until Barbie's tragic demise by decapitation.
My actual Ken was never married to Barbie. He had long since divorced his first wife, Anna, and was happily married to Midge when
Likewise, Beth and Bob, Alice and Alicia, and Larry and Lisa are still happily married. I think that other!Kevin and Kelsey's marriage ended with decapitation, as well, though.
In any event, never fear.
Um... in other news....
Wow. Came out to person living in room. Hello. *brain falls out of head*
*hands shake* I'm eighteen years old and I came out for the first time four years ago and my hands are still shaking and I swear I've blushed ten shades of red and pink and every color of the rainbow. Fuck. I swear, they all ask the same questions. How long have you known? Do your parents know? How did they take it? At least she didn't ask how I knew, and I hope she realizes I'm as far from interested in her as... well, as some really elegant metaphor.
My only question is whether it took this long for her to figure it out or this long for her to get up the nerve to ask.
Anyhow. That was... exciting.
Right.
I have two Jack/Harry novella-length ideas that are begging to be written.
