craving ashes

[wisdomeagle]

It's Ash Wednesday. Blessed Lent to all those who are observing it.

I'm not sure exactly yet what I'm doing for Lent. I don't really think of it as giving something up with the implication that, well, the implication is usually that it's sort of a pointless exercise in self-deprivation. Lent should never be pointless. The point of Lenten devotion (including fasting, broadly defined), as I understand it, is twofold. First, Lent is an exercise in spiritual discipline. By the very act of intentionally doing anything, we are reminded daily throughout the season that we belong to God. Second, by cutting out the extraneous things in our lives, we make room for God, make ourselves holy vessels for God's presence. I think we (and I know often I) use Lent as a time of self-improvement. Which is not bad in and of itself, and I've broken some bad habits (i.e., Baby-Sitters Club books in sixth grade, and if you don't think that was a bad habit, you don't know how good that crack is.) over Lent. And I don't want to imply that any way of "doing Lent" is wrong or bad, just that I think that at its core, Lent is about making yourself good for God.

I suppose one could think of this as being our preparations for Easter. When you're getting married, you want to be absolutely perfect for your spouse, so you go on a diet and you do your hair and you lose weight or whatever. Since Easter is the Church's wedding day, we are making ourselves over as Christ's bride, and so of course we want to be our new-and-improved post-Lenten selves for that day.

This Lent, I am giving up the flesh of mammals (i.e., beef, pork, and mystery meat). I would give up all meat but then I'd starve to death. I've heard it's impossible to be a vegetarian on this campus. I'm also giving up soda, which is a new one for me but is so, so bad for me. Coffee is still okay, since I don't want to be suffering from withdrawal.

I think I am also going to adopt mylittleredgirl's daily Gleee!, which, as described in her userinfo, is

"Joy Sadhana" on my livejournal are hereby explained:

Sadhana is a practice done with 'higher intent' (this is often used with yoga or meditation, but can really be *anything* done with that intention). So... Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy.

The idea is to end my day by writing a list (not comprehensive, and in no particular order) of 5 good things about the day, and 3 things I did well. The things can be as small and random as necessary. I am doing this to ward off depression and destructive thoughts like "I did NOTHING today" or "NOTHING good happened today," no matter what the overall trend of the day was like.

And, amazingly, other people have picked it up. So now I get to read *their* random itemized joy!! It's compound gleee!

The idea of sadhana sounds remarkably similar to my idea of what Lent is about, because it is about intention, the idea that it doesn't really matter so much what it is that I do so much as that I think of God while I am doing it, that I am reminded constantly throughout my day that God is. God is, God is, God is.

I am feeling so spiritually empty lately. I haven't been to church in a month for various reasons but even when I go to church, I feel empty. Ugly, and tired, and bored. I crave ashes. I crave Ash Wednesday. I crave ashes on my forehead pressed to my skin a reminder that I am God's that I am dust and ashes. There's a service at the Presbyterian church but I probably won't go because I have tutoring.

Ash Wednesdays past.

Comments

[sk8eeyore.livejournal.com]

The glee list thing is an awesome idea--thank you for posting it, as it's exactly the kind of thing I should start doing.

[wisdomeagle]

:) I also think it's an awesome idea, and I'm glad that glee is spreading!

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

DUDE. WOW. I just ran and told my mother about this post, because it's blowing my mind how totally similar all these different spiritual practices really are. !!!!!!!! <-- incoherent exclamation points

Because what you're describing as lent is *totally* the sadhana stuff I was talking out -- and my mother was all "OMG! She's describing CONSCIOUSNESS!" So, yes. It's about discipline, and a daily practice... but the higher-intent bit is important. It's not like (for example) "oh, I'm going to exercise every day", but "I am going to exercise every day as a spiritual practice."

Um... yes, I am incoherent, but very very bouncy and psyched at this cool spiritual connection.

And I'm so sorry that you've been feeling "spirtually empty"... and while the church community can be a wonderful thing, maybe this more personal worship that you are undertaking will be more what you need. *hugs*

[wisdomeagle]

:D

YAY! I'm so glad that you're struck by the connection and as delighted as I am. :)

and while the church community can be a wonderful thing, maybe this more personal worship that you are undertaking will be more what you need

*sigh*... I hope so. I need to do some serious considering of my path(s) right now and I think this season is a good opportunity to do that... I just hope I can find my way again. I feel so lost.

*hugs you tight and glee!fully*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

It's just so so so cool. I love uncovering spiritual common ground. Spirituality is just so cool and awesome and heart-opening, and I love the idea of exploring it rather than just... practicing it. It makes me all kinds of gleeeful to read that you're sort of encouraged by these weird yogic ideas I've had and not... I don't know, skeered of them. *is warm and fuzzy*

Faith is so very personal that I have no idea what sort of support I could offer you... but if you come up with something, consider it yours :) *loves you madly and offers MORE HUGS*

(p.s. icon used ironically)

[wisdomeagle]

Hee icon! :)

Dude, you offer support just by being there and I mean that seriously. Your squeeish, gleeful, totally unapologetic spirituality totally offer support. You are one of the most inspirational people I know, for real. :)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

... eee! really?

That's, like, the nicest thing anyone has said to me ever. *bounces* I LOVE THE INTERNET for it has REPAIRED MY SELF-ESTEEM! But yayyyy and I'm very glad about that, that even with my evalhetshipper ways we can still give cool inspiration to each other over livejournal. :)

And you totally enable my spirituality, too, and spiritual *thought*, because you're so very open with your thoughts and you help give me a window into Christianity (capitalized? maybe?), and into another faith angle. I sympathize a lot when you talk about a loss of community, because my childhood community of faith no longer exists, but it gives me hope that I might find something similar elsewhere... even if it is in the form of a collection of like-minded people on the interweb! :)

[wisdomeagle]

Yes really and yay!selfesteem.

And you know you'll probably convert me to evilhetship. I'm already starting to crack on the Jack'n'Sam thing. It's very skeery.

And you totally enable my spirituality, too, and spiritual *thought*, because you're so very open with your thoughts and you help give me a window into Christianity (capitalized? maybe?), and into another faith angle.

Yay! I'm glad.

I sympathize a lot when you talk about a loss of community, because my childhood community of faith no longer exists,

I didn't know that. Total sympathy, obviously. Because I *so* miss my church. *whines* But you are RIGHT that the intraweb is a new source of community and while I'm still hoping to find another church that will nurture me, I am glad to have my internet people as well.

Yay for mutual self-esteem boosting and spiritual guidance!

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

And you know you'll probably convert me to evilhetship. I'm already starting to crack on the Jack'n'Sam thing. It's very skeery.

... really? *is afraid*

Perhaps you stole it from me, because my love for that pairing is so SADLY LAPSED right now. I haven't even been reading fic at all. *meeps* My SJ friends are worried for my SOUL, but I think it's just a temporary infatuation with the amazing shininess that is Atlantis.

I didn't know that. Total sympathy, obviously.

*hugs* I didn't mean it as an "omg! pity me!" thing at all, don't worry. :) The ashram I grew up with collapsed when I was 13 amid mad scandal, as ashrams are wont to do, and I was all devastated and such for a long time and wanting to find myself a new cult. Meep! I am just now realizing that the actual *teachings* and stuff are still really valuable, and that I gained a lot from having been raised there... etc. :) So I'm happily exploring that on my own for now.

*offers stopgap nurturing*

Yay!!

[dawnie1970.livejournal.com]

I crave ashes on my forehead pressed to my skin a reminder that I am God's that I am dust and ashes I know that feeling, wanting the priest to press harder until I feel God's divinity, not the soul-sucking bigotry of the earthly church. *sigh* *slides off to mass* *hugs you tight, many blessings dear heart*

[wisdomeagle]

*hugs back*

Many blessings to you as well.

[polyartamorous.livejournal.com]

why mammals?

[wisdomeagle]

Tradition. Convenience. It's not really an ethical thing. It's only vaguely a health thing. It's just the way I do it.

[polyartamorous.livejournal.com]

gotcha. good luck.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure exactly yet what I'm doing for Lent. I don't really think of it as giving something up with the implication that, well, the implication is usually that it's sort of a pointless exercise in self-deprivation. Lent should never be pointless. The point of Lenten devotion (including fasting, broadly defined), as I understand it, is twofold. First, Lent is an exercise in spiritual discipline. By the very act of intentionally doing anything, we are reminded daily throughout the season that we belong to God. Second, by cutting out the extraneous things in our lives, we make room for God, make ourselves holy vessels for God's presence. (snip) I think that at its core, Lent is about making yourself good for God.

Speaking from a Jewish perspective, I find this is very similar in purpose and spirit to some of our own observations of self-denial. I wish you the best on your holiday.

[wisdomeagle]

Interesting -- and not too surprising. Thanks for sharing, and brightest blessings.

[meyerlemon.livejournal.com]

I'm going to a 6 pm service to get ashes. And confession, if I can bear it. I'm sad that this year I couldn't go to the before-work service: I have a lot of embarrassment and shame about walking around with ashes on my head all day- WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?

Which is exactly why I think it's good for me.

I haven't seen anyone with a HeadSmudge yet today- strange.

[wisdomeagle]

I went to the 7pm and have ashes on my forehead now. I'm Protestant so I've never been to a morning service; I always envied Catholics who walk around all day with ashes. I've heard it said that maybe walking around all day with ashes is a way of saying, "Oh, look at me, I'm so penitant," exactly like we aren't supposed to do, but I really don't know.

I think I saw two or three people walking around with ashes.

[meyerlemon.livejournal.com]

I know- it's a quandry. But I tend to feel that we should err on the side of feeling *more* guilty (almost certainly a sin in itself- ah, parochial school!)

And it turns out the service is at 7:30. So, um, it's good I looked it up.

[velvetandlace.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is great.

I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, and I quite miss Ash Wednesday. I guess it's all part of still looking for my spiritual niche. That day always did mean so much to me, and wearing the ashes was always so deeply significant.

I'm still honouring Lent. I'm not sure why, and I probably won't talk about it (or will talk about it as much as I talk about paganism and ritual), but it's so good to read this from you - I love the approaches you're taking and can't wait to read through your glee moments :)

[wisdomeagle]

*smiles* Cool.

Glee is fun. :D

[velvetandlace.livejournal.com]

It sounds it! :)