bad ficlet: Jack/Daniel

[wisdomeagle]

meyerlemon suggested that everyone post hir worst fanfic.

Here's mine. It's so bad, it's in FIRST PERSON. (Which is totally fine if you're an awesome author and can pull it off, but I'm not and have NO grasp of Jack's voice.)

I changed the header a bit and edited some grammar stuff, but the rest of the fic is intact. I wrote it about two minutes after "Fallen" aired.

Title: Sappiness
Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Spoilers:through "Fallen"
Warnings:Total, utter, gratuitous sap. Language.
Summary: Err, Jack has boundary issues.


"Everyone turn away. I want no witnesses." I'm going to murder the man, Daniel, if he is Daniel under the layer of not-Daniel. "No, go on, turn." So they do. Humoring me. I haven't been myself since he's been here-not remembering. "I haven't been myself since I met you." How true. He's looking at me with half a grin on his face. I raise a warning finger. I will slap him. They're still all looking in the other direction, knowing I'm nuts and he's not himself and soon they'll call in the medics. I beckon. He leans forward, a little too eager to please, definitely not my Daniel. I wonder if Oma's ever met a quantum mirror.

He remembered Sha're and he remembered that he belongs on SG-1 and so I have hope-he will remember us. Me. Everything. I let him come, close enough, a quick check to see that they're all still pretending I've got a shred of sanity, then kiss him. Briefly. He opens to me, automatic response, like he's half-expecting we have orgies in the briefing room on a regular basis and this isn't the least bit unusual. He tastes like Daniel. I want him to taste like someone else; that would make it easier to understand why he doesn't remember anyone, not even me. But the taste is as familiar as the thick, solid SGC coffee sludge I bet he's missed so much.

He looks at me and I shoot him a look that says, "Don't you dare say a word, we'll talk later." And even though he's still not sure what my name is, he gets the message and I read his response-"You fucking asshole. There'd better be a damn good explanation for this or I will SO kick your ass."

"Is it safe now, Colonel?"

"Yes, sir, mission accomplished."

"Good. Now can we continue with the briefing, people?"

"Yes, sir."

I catch Daniel's eye and I know he's Daniel. Because somewhere deep inside, behind that false good humor and the awkward reawakening of memories, I hear him saying, "Jack, I'll kill you if you ever kiss me in public again--but I do love you. You know that--right?"

Yes.
***

*bows head in shame*

Comments

[meyerlemon.livejournal.com]

I love this. We will all own our own embarrassment and thusly be empowered by it. Plus, this isn't actually nearly as bad as you think it is. So, whatever. It doesn't even contain a Mary Sue! :-p

[wisdomeagle]

Hehe. Unless you count ooc!Jack as a Mary Sue. :p

[karendreamer.livejournal.com]

Um, I really enjoy your journal and the way you write. Are you absolutely sure you wrote this? Were you drunk? Were you 12 years old?

At least you can be happy that you have improved, a whole lot.

[wisdomeagle]

Hehehe. I'm absolutely sure (though totally ashamed). I was in fact 18. Good God, it was less than two years ago.

Yep. I've improved. A lot. Thank goodness.

:p

[zulu]

Hee! I love the meme. What do I hate the most? Must find and post. Yes yes.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Seriously I thought it would be, maybe not bad but less-good but this is your worst? Some people's best aren't even close to your worst lol

[wisdomeagle]

Well, there's another piece in a similar vein that might be tied for worst... but yeah, this is about the bottom of my barrel. :p Thanks for the vote of confidence

[sangerin.livejournal.com]

It's so bad, it's in FIRST PERSON. (Which is totally fine if you're an awesome author and can pull it off, but I'm not

a) You are an awesome author, Ari, you really are.

b) I'm about to go write my Remix in first person, because it's not going to work any other way. *sigh* (which "sigh" is for me, not for your writing. And I'm watching Shakespeare in Love which is bad, because CJ may end up sounding Shakespearian...

[wisdomeagle]

a) You are an awesome author, Ari, you really are.
Heh. Despite self-esteem issues, I really do believe this. (most of the time.) I just don't trust my ability to write first person fanfic, especially for someone like Jack, whose voice is so... not like mine. In fact, I'd have difficulty with anyone except maybe Tara, because Tara Is Me.

And I'm watching Shakespeare in Love which is bad, because CJ may end up sounding Shakespearian...

*giggles*

[humanyouth.livejournal.com]

I've never even seen this show and I liked the fic.

....That could be the reason I liked it, but I think the truth is you're just a good writer. squee