15 characters - the answers!

[wisdomeagle]

Remember when you asked questions about my list of fifteen characters? I finally came up with answers!

If Rodney McKay, Daniel Jackson, CJ Cregg, Samantha Carter and River Tam were stranded on a deserted island....what would happen? And to be completely barbaric, which character would be eaten first? - from rogueslayer452.

Sam, Rodney, Daniel, and CJ would have sex. (Okay, just for the record, this is going to be a theme with these answers. Especially if you throw all my favorite adults on a desert island together.) But okay, so Rodney and Sam would try to construct a way to get back to the mainland, and would bicker constantly, and then eventually have sex and UST, while Daniel would try completely unsuccessfully to flirt with CJ till she finally just went ahead and kissed him. And finally, foursome orgy-ness would ensue, while River actually constructed a boat of some kind.

If cannibalism became necessary, Daniel would be eaten first, because he is Noble and Self-Sacrificing (TM) and would offer himself up to be chow.

Claudia Kishi and Wesley Wyndam-Pryce are stuck in the mountains together when their plane crashes. Rations become low and Claudia eats Wesley (sorry, I couldn't resist). How does Claudia explain Wes's disappearance to River? When Wes's ghost appears to Joshua Lyman asking Josh to avenge his, Wes's, death, what does Wes says? How does Josh respond? - from alixtii

I... okay, the idea of Claudia cannibalizing Wesley is TOO FUNNY FOR WORDS. When River comes to rescue them, Claudia will say that Wesley wandered off to get firewood and never came back. She'll lie really unconvincingly, but that won't really matter, because River is a CRAZY PSYCHIC, and will know she's lying. She'll be completely terrified of Claud and probably go, I dunno, hide herself up a tree.

Meanwhile in Washington! Wes is busy trying to explain to Josh Lyman that he's a ghost and that he was killed and eaten by an art student up in Appalachia, and Josh is convinced he's having a hallucination-nightmare based on the Eliza Dushku movie he saw with CJ and Sam last night, and Wesley has to resort to increasingly childish parlor tricks like tossing chairs around the room until Josh is finally convinced he's legit, at which point he has to explain that he has no jurisdiction for avenging the deaths of FRIGGING BRITISH GHOSTS.

Why has no one written this story? WHY?

Who makes Claudia Kishi and Drusilla do it (hey, it's not always aliens, you know, except for when it is), and how, and why? - from malnpudl

O_O

You know, I think aliens are a pretty safe bet here. I'm thinking an alien who, Ford Prefect-style, thought he'd picked two completely representative samples of earth females, and in the interest of scientific inquiry, said alien makes them do it. And... yeah, beyond that, I'm not sure I want to contemplate BSC members in non-con situations.

How would Ducky McCrae come on to/pick up/seduce Rodney McKay? - from malnpudl

This pairing FOR THE WIN.

He would be completely awkward and confused because he's just out of high school and still not completely embracing the part where he's completely, 100% gay, so the part where he's attracted to his (male) physics professor, especially since he doesn't even *like* physics, weirds him out, but he ends up going to McKay's office during office hours and then they talk about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING because Ducky is a WIMP and then he berates himself for hours afterwards and realizes that if he's ever going to get on with his life, he has to make a move, and this continues for several weeks-months-years (what the heck, SG-1 showed us that UST can last FOREVER without any moves towards resolution) and then the week before graduation he shows up in McKay's office once more and finally kisses him. And then they have sex. AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. <3

What would happen if Fred Burkle took Mac home to meet the folks? - from malnpudl

Parents would be weirded by the lesbianism and the age difference, but Mac would put on her best parent-pleasing tone of voice and explain that she and Fred had met while working on some encryption algorithms and then Roger would clear his throat and ask some questions about that and they'd chat slightly awkwardly for awhile and later that night, after Mac had gone back to her place, Trish would give Fred a big hug and tell her she was very happy for her. FOR THE WIN.

What is Dana Whitaker's secret superhero identity and superpower?

She can stay up for three days straight without caffeine. They call her... oh, I dunno. Is it clear I have read 0 comic books ever?

What is Wesley's secret supervillain identity, and how does s/he plan to take over the country/world/galaxy or otherwise wreak havoc? - from malnpudl

He long planned to infiltrate the Watchers' Council from the ground floor, but has since set his sights on something more like destroying LA using Angel.

What television show (past or present) would be vastly improved by the addition of Drusilla to the cast of characters? - from malnpudl

Alias. Really. Everything's better with psychotic psychic vampires, but Alias could *really* use some.

If CJ Cregg and River Tam had known each other as children, what would they have thought of each other? What would they have done to/with each other? - from ctorres

Hmmm. I think there might've been some rivalry, but I don't really know enough about CJ's growing up, whether she'd have rivalslash with people smarter than her or not. I kind of feel she reacts to those people with a mixture of envy and snark and UST, and suspect that when she was younger she'd have been deeply jealous of and attracted to River's talent. River would probably be mildly bored by CJ at first, but I think they'd grow on each other.

Then they'd have sex.

If Kaylee Frye, Claudia Kishi, and Mac [VMars] were stuck together in an elevator for an hour, what would happen?

THEY WOULD HAVE SO MUCH SEX IT WOULD BREAK THE ELEVATOR. No, seriously. They'd get to talking, while Mac was trying to fix the elevator, and Kaylee would be like, "My secret girlfriend is totally crazy. But I love her anyhow, and sometimes she tells me what my Secret Crush is thinking about me, and then we have sex."

And Claudia would be, "My secret girlfriend is diabetic. That means she can't process insulin properly or something. She has to give herself injections every day, and it's really gross."

And then Mac, looking up from the wires, would be like, "My secret girlfriend is a DETECTIVE."

"LIKE NANCY DREW?" Claudia would ask.

"...." Mac would say. "Yes, exactly, except much cooler."

Then they'd all sit in silence for awhile, and Kaylee would be happily daydreaming then happen to look over Claudia's shoulder and would say, "Hey, that looks like me, only without my clothes on!"

Claudia would blush. There would be snogging.

Then Mac would say, "Hey, elevator's fixed."

But before they got to the floor they were going to, they would HAVE SO MUCH SEX THAT THE ELEVATOR BROKE AGAIN.

See? Like that.

If Rodney McKay hired Daniel Jackson, Fred Burkle, and CJ Cregg to kill Mac, what weapons would McKay instruct each one of them to use? - from alixtii

:( :( :(

Well, okay. So the reason why McKay wants to kill Mac is obviously because she is some sort of threat to his massive intelligence, and he suspects she might be smarter than he is. Which wouldn't explain why he's using Fred and Daniel as assassins, since they are equally as crazy-smart as Mac is. But that aside, Daniel and CJ are the most verbal people in the entire 'verse. I can't imagine either of them using any sort of weapon other than brainpower to kill anyone. (Well, Daniel uses guns to kill Bad Guys [tm], but that's different.)

Fred, of course, could construct some sort of awesome sneak-attack weapon to kill Mac in her sleep.

Why can't they all just get along have sex?

There's a wedding (Kaylee Frye, Daniel Jackson, Fred Burkle, CJ Cregg, Wesley-Wyndam Pryce, Christopher "Ducky" McCrae, and River Tam are involved). There are, of course, two main participants, two people serving as attendants, and one person conducting the ceremony. There's also the person who storms in and interrupts just at the opportune moment, and the person who might have interrupted, but didn't (or wouldn't). Who's who? - from thelastgoodname

Fred and Kaylee are getting married (of course!) Obviously, canonically, River would be Kaylee's attendant and Wesley would be Fred's, though he'd be swallowing quite a bitter pill to make that happen. CJ would officiate (is it possible that I have a minister!CJ fetish? Is it possible I've plotted out a whole AU of CJ-as-Sunday-school-teacher? Is it possible that I have dreamed that CJ was a Sunday school teacher? I assure you, they are all possible!) This leaves Daniel to storm in and interrupt at just the right moment, because he is off-world exploring and sees the wedding and reacts, "Oh, ceremony!" and starts asking what's going on and why two women are getting married and whether that's normative and if all the people involved weren't so gentle, he'd probably cause a major interplanetary incident. As it is, Wesley has to look menacing and needs Fred to calm him down and explain that it's okay. It also leaves Ducky to be the person who didn't interrupt; he was also offworld (for inexplicable plot-related reasons!) and saw Fred, who was an old friend of his from college (I am sure the timeline can be made to agree!), and wanted to say hi but saw that she was in the midst of something important.

Alternately, Rodney McKay, Dana Whitaker, Claudia Kishi, Mac [VMars], and Joshua Lyman are setting up a mock court: who is the judge, the prosecutor, the defense attorney, the plaintiff, and the defendant? (for bonus points: what's the case about, and who wins?) - from thelastgoodname

The defendant is Claudia Kishi, whom Dana Whitaker accused of taking the last Twinkie at the staff meeting, which Claudia insists is ridiculous, since she isn't even interested in sports so wouldn't have been at the meeting.

Josh and Rodney have a scuffle over who will get to be the judge, and while they're yelling at each other, Mac grabs the gavel and pounds it, effectively settling that dispute.

McKay says that he will be the prosecuting attorney, because he believes that the theft of food should be punishable by death. This leaves Josh to be the defense attorney, and upsets him, because he was hoping he'd get to flirt with Dana, and Claudia is a little too young for him to flirt with, and he spends most of the trial trying to make eyes at Dana across the aisle. Dana, of course, is too busy checking out Claudia and Mac and worrying about whether Natalie is getting on okay without her. Events seem to be against Claudia, but finally, when the time comes for closing arguments, Josh springs to his feet and delivers a brilliant defense in which he proves, beyond a shadow of doubt, that it was in fact McKay who ate the last Twinkie.

My question: Among characters Daniel Jackson, Claudia Kishi, and Joshua Lyman, who would be most likely to write fanfic? What would the fandom be, what kind of stories would they write, and who would they show them to? - from karabair

I actually answered this last summer. Here's the post. In sum: Claudia would write Star Wars boyslash and show it to Janine and Stacey.

If Kaylee Frye, Daniel Jackson, Dana Whitaker, Claudia Kishi, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Christopher "Ducky" McCrae, Drusilla, and Dawn Summers got together and decided to play a hoax on the Rodney McKay, Fred Burkle, CJ Cregg, Cindy "Mac" MacKenzie, Samantha Carter, Joshua Lyman, and River Tam, what would it be, and who would argue the most about what to do? - from yhlee

I can easily imagine Dana, Claudia, and Dawn being all in favor of formatting the C:\ if they were in an especially vindictive mood for whatever reason (and I can imagine Dana and Dawn being in damned vindictive moods.) Wesley would probably argue the most, especially since Fred is one of the intended victims, and I think Ducky or Kaylee could probably convince the others to moderate the meanness somewhat by making a back-up first. Dru, of course, would have absolutely no sense of what was going on.

Also, all the people in column B should have sex. Just so we're clear.

Kaylee is locked up in a cell with CJ. Do they manage to escape? - from astrogirl2

THEY ARE TOO BUSY HAVING SEX. Escaping is the furthest thing from their minds. (Probably, yes, because Kaylee is a mad genius, and could probably get out of a jail cell with a fork [TM].)

Ducky McCrae and Josh Lyman are both trapped in a burning building (or some other suitably dangerous situation). You only have time to rescue one. Which do you choose? Would Daniel Jackson choose differently? - from astrogirl2

Oh, I'm afraid this is too easy. Josh goes down in flames, because he is not the Perfect Character (TM). Um... I'm not sure who Daniel would choose. It depends whether he was having a gay love affair with one of them. I can't really imagine a universe in which Ducky's and Daniel's paths would overlap, (He... is a very gay high school sophomore and he... is a world-class anthropologist-archaeologist-Egyptologist-world-saver. Together, they fight crime!) while Josh's and Daniel's might. It's quite possible that Josh and Daniel might end up as political enemies, or at least frequently exchange words at high volume, (since Daniel would think all the govt's money should go to the Stargate program, and Josh would disagree), but that would actually make Daniel more likely to save Josh's life (and then feel really guilty about letting the teenager burn.)

Wesley takes Drusilla out on a date. Where do they go, and how successful is it? - from astrogirl2

They go out drinking. Dru kills Wesley. It ends badly! (Well, from Wes's perspective. From Dru's, it's highly successful.)

Actually. If we're going to make this date of maximum interest, it should be during S3 AtS, and is a mutual effort to make Angel to be crazy with wtf. Perhaps they bond together to try to get to Quortoth and save Angel. Perhaps while so doing, they develop Feelings for each other, mostly focused on Angel (what, this is surprising? Invisible third party. Very much so!) and have sex and rescue Connor and raise him in the wilds of Utah together.

Comments

[carla-scribbles.livejournal.com]

FOR THE WIN. And I SO want to read that last one.

[wisdomeagle]

*grins*

(I'm sure we'll squee about this elsewhere but - OMG TONIGHT'S HOUSE. *brain failure*)

[carla-scribbles.livejournal.com]

OMG. And I only saw, like, twenty minutes of it -- but they were the BEST TWENTY MINUTES EVER.

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

Hee, I love that you have ALREADY THOUGHT ABOUT what kind of fanfic Claudia would write.

These are all brilliant, though I particularly enjoy the idea of Drusilla on Alias, and the elevator scenario.

[wisdomeagle]

Hee, yes. I have devoted much thought to this!

And the elevator scenario makes me way too happy. *g*

[tartanshell.livejournal.com]

*read the Claudia fanfic post* *iz ded* You know Janine is a fandomer, with all the time she spends at her computer. She's totally the type.

Btw, did your book arrive yet? I was going to include fun extras, like tea or candy or a BPAL sample, but I was out of regular teabags and just had funky discs for my Christmas-present-Tassimo-which-is-actually-a-replicator, only had butterscotch candy left over from last Halloween or so, and don't know a) if you wear perfume, b) if you're allergic, or c)if the scent would make the book smell.

Also, there was going to be a nice note, but I was pressed for time.

In conclusion? I fail at mail. But I have good intentions. And I did send your book several days ago. ;)

[thelastgoodname.livejournal.com]

Gee, Dana and Claudia sure are dense, to not have realized that McKay ate the Twinkie. He'd have been my first choice. (Also, now I want to watch that show. Or I want to work in that office: I'd go nuts, but at least I'd have kooky work stories to share.)