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wisdomeagleTitle: "Conclusion//Affair//Beginning"
Fandom: West Wing
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Rating: R
Spoilers/Timeline: None, really.
Summary: A first time, and other accidents.
Words: 527
Conclusion//Affair//Beginning
On the night they finally tumble into bed together, there's nothing quaint or sweet about it. In the last moment of consciousness before hormones take over, Donna is aware this has never been something she's thought about, not even in so many images, the last button of Josh's shirt or the first button of his fly, the boxer shorts slid down, the rough gentleness of his touch. When there aren't fantasies, when there aren't even hints of fantasy, when even the slightest move in that direction is cut short and run out of town and dissolved in someone else's kiss, then the realization of those forbidden fantasies is almost too much, and Donna feels she's not alone when Josh's breath comes too fast and his fingers jerk unpredictably down her spine.
He keeps muttering her name in some half-taunting, half-disbelieving way, "DonNA, DonNA," and every time she moves a little closer to him, like he's calling her into his office and she comes running before she even thinks to refuse. And right now, in this moment, she could refuse him nothing, if he asked, but he doesn't, doesn't seem to be able to think of what's next, just keeps fingering her spine and kissing somewhere near her mouth and groaning her name, and it's up to her to take her panties off, up to her to lift her thigh over his, and when they touch, finally, groin-to-groin, something other than love takes over and she's around him, suddenly, but doesn't feel it as much as she does the stubble of his chin or the missed kisses that will cover her neck with hickeys in the morning, and when he comes too quickly, she doesn't care but thinks that, in some innuendo-ridden banter, she'll tell Josh about it in the morning, till she remembers it's Josh in bed with her, and she laughs-cries into his shoulder and he says, "You okay?" and doesn't bother to apologize.
"You could say you're sorry," she says, and smiles, to let him know he doesn't have to.
"Oh God," he groans, petrified.
"It's okay," she tells him, and kisses him again, just because she can.
"I think I was disappointing," he says needlessly.
"I wasn't expecting much."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"No. Do you want me to make you feel better?"
"I feel just great," he says, as if he, too, keeps forgetting, then remembering, who it is he's in bed with, too bizarre to be funny, too unrealistic to be pleasant, a prelude to a lifetime that's too tangible and too specific, fuzzy and slightly unwashed, smelling of stale coffee, sheets that have come untucked from their frantic maneuvering from floor to bed, Donna's hair spilling out of its scrunchie and tangling around Josh's arm, twining them more intimately than sex possibly could. Donna can't imagine a future proceeding from this point, this accidental copulation, this too-funny and too unreal realization that struck them both at the same time on the dance-floor forty minutes before, the realization that will keep them dancing together for, and Donna knows its truth while laughing at it, two lifetimes of accidents.
Fandom: West Wing
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Rating: R
Spoilers/Timeline: None, really.
Summary: A first time, and other accidents.
Words: 527
Conclusion//Affair//Beginning
On the night they finally tumble into bed together, there's nothing quaint or sweet about it. In the last moment of consciousness before hormones take over, Donna is aware this has never been something she's thought about, not even in so many images, the last button of Josh's shirt or the first button of his fly, the boxer shorts slid down, the rough gentleness of his touch. When there aren't fantasies, when there aren't even hints of fantasy, when even the slightest move in that direction is cut short and run out of town and dissolved in someone else's kiss, then the realization of those forbidden fantasies is almost too much, and Donna feels she's not alone when Josh's breath comes too fast and his fingers jerk unpredictably down her spine.
He keeps muttering her name in some half-taunting, half-disbelieving way, "DonNA, DonNA," and every time she moves a little closer to him, like he's calling her into his office and she comes running before she even thinks to refuse. And right now, in this moment, she could refuse him nothing, if he asked, but he doesn't, doesn't seem to be able to think of what's next, just keeps fingering her spine and kissing somewhere near her mouth and groaning her name, and it's up to her to take her panties off, up to her to lift her thigh over his, and when they touch, finally, groin-to-groin, something other than love takes over and she's around him, suddenly, but doesn't feel it as much as she does the stubble of his chin or the missed kisses that will cover her neck with hickeys in the morning, and when he comes too quickly, she doesn't care but thinks that, in some innuendo-ridden banter, she'll tell Josh about it in the morning, till she remembers it's Josh in bed with her, and she laughs-cries into his shoulder and he says, "You okay?" and doesn't bother to apologize.
"You could say you're sorry," she says, and smiles, to let him know he doesn't have to.
"Oh God," he groans, petrified.
"It's okay," she tells him, and kisses him again, just because she can.
"I think I was disappointing," he says needlessly.
"I wasn't expecting much."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"No. Do you want me to make you feel better?"
"I feel just great," he says, as if he, too, keeps forgetting, then remembering, who it is he's in bed with, too bizarre to be funny, too unrealistic to be pleasant, a prelude to a lifetime that's too tangible and too specific, fuzzy and slightly unwashed, smelling of stale coffee, sheets that have come untucked from their frantic maneuvering from floor to bed, Donna's hair spilling out of its scrunchie and tangling around Josh's arm, twining them more intimately than sex possibly could. Donna can't imagine a future proceeding from this point, this accidental copulation, this too-funny and too unreal realization that struck them both at the same time on the dance-floor forty minutes before, the realization that will keep them dancing together for, and Donna knows its truth while laughing at it, two lifetimes of accidents.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 07:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 08:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 10:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 10:58 pm (UTC)The more I think about it, the more Donna grows on me and you've done her great justice here, I think. I love the whole fantasies-made-reality-or-not thing, because it would never be the way they (or just her, maybe? I can see Josh pushing those fantasies away, weirdly) would have imagined it. But it's still about understanding each other and intimacy and very Josh/Donna-y things.
The banter is bloody wonderful. "I think I was disappointing," he says needlessly. I love your Josh. I am envious. ;)
I'm no expert, but I'll bet this is better than a good deal of the Josh/Donna out there. And, you know, it's you - so it would be. *g*
*loves*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 11:21 pm (UTC)I love the whole fantasies-made-reality-or-not thing, because it would never be the way they (or just her, maybe? I can see Josh pushing those fantasies away, weirdly) would have imagined it.
Yeah, see, that's the thing about them (as I see them, ymmv etc). They really, really love each other and yet in some ways still (circa the end of S5) refuse to realize it, even though they've been hit over the head with it repeatedly. And I saw them sort of totally repressing the sexual part of it until suddenly it just exploded on them and they didn't have any choice.
The banter is bloody wonderful.
tWW banter FOR TEH_WIN. (I almost typed TEH_WING.) Though mostly I'm proud of myself for finally writing tWW fic longer than 100 words and not made up entirely of dialogue.
I'm so glad you loved. Eventually, rarepairs and long,long over-due Toby/Sam.
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:28 pm (UTC)So much love for this and, yeah, can't even come close to expressing it. *points to above comments*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-13 04:41 am (UTC)(and do I ever love her for it. It was short, but captured Josh&Donna in their dynamic perfectly. Love!)
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Date: 2006-05-14 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-13 08:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-12 07:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-14 01:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-12 08:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-14 01:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-13 02:24 am (UTC)Great characterization too! Awesome all round, actually.
And I read up above that you wrote it after watching Gaza - that works for me 'cause Memorial Day is the last episode I've seen thanks to stupid Australian tv. I mean, Josh flies all that way and is so devastated but... he's never going to act on it, is he? Crazy (but lovable) boy.
So yes, wonderful work. I'd like to read more from you!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-14 01:31 am (UTC)I've read so, SO much Josh/Donna fanfic in my time but rarely do people capture what makes them them
I'm really glad this worked for you as a Josh/Donna fan, then. I haven't read much of anything at all about them, and while I certainly think THEY ARE SO IN LOVE (!!111eleventy) there are things about them that are hard for me to articulate.
the fact that they are so close but haven't experienced the ultimate closeness because maybe they love each other too much. I mean, they're so much in love with each other (obviously) but they're really scared to acknowledge it in case it goes wrong and they've ruined their relationship forever
I do think that's true, and I'm really glad I managed to capture that in fic.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-14 04:07 am (UTC)Oh, yeah, I'm a hardcore with the Josh/Donna lovin' but, actually, I find that some of the best, best fics come from people who aren't wrapped up in the whole "THEY ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER LIEK WHOA AND I WANT THEM TO LOVE LOVE LOVE!" but can examine it from a less biased point of view - that's why yours really worked. I think it's good that you can't articulate what it is about them because they can't even articulate it, you know?
Heh, I was actually in a situation similar to Josh and Donna once (though, obviously, not to the same grand scale of love) so I understand all too well what it's like and, yep, you wrote it so well.
Heh, sick of all this praise yet?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-13 06:52 pm (UTC)Anyway, great stuff!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-14 01:33 am (UTC)I've read massive amounts of Josh & Donna fic, but it's rare to find this sort of insight.
Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-03 03:08 am (UTC)"No. Do you want me to make you feel better?"
Great!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-03 03:28 am (UTC)