a thought about writing McWeir
Apr. 15th, 2005 06:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wisdomeagleI think my problem with writing McKay/Weir is that I identify with Rodney way, way, way too much. It's the first pairing I've found that I not only a) over-identify with it way too much but b) can't seem to get around that over-identification. Which is weird. Because like, Willow/Giles, definitely a pairing where over-identifying is going on, but generally I manage to make it about something other than My Issues because it becomes about their issues and the (meta) narrative of corruption and forgiveness.
And the Jossverse femslashy stuff I over-identify with, like Willow/Tara and Willow/Fred both, are really easy for me to identify with because personality types and we're the same age and yeah. And the one Fred/Tara I wrote was entirely a self-insert, but I feel like with them, the similarities are surface and then I can dig deeper and figure out how they're different from me and how they all view the world and it's fun.
But with Weir and McKay... I am totally having issues writing because I love them so much that it's hard for me to get the proper perspective. (Does anyone else have this problem with writing pairings that they truly adore? I've never had this problem with any other pairing...) I love writing them, but I worry that my McKay is too much of a self-insert.
I think part of it is the gender-fuck. Because it's the male character I most identify with, and while I love Weir a lot, she's just less like me. (which is, incidentally, true of fandom as a whole -- this and other pollish tidbits to be compiled very soon really I swear!) Which is fine and great and I love that demographics don't determine favorite characters, but on the other hand... writing sex, or even writing relationship dynamic stuff (I would imagine. Currently, I've only ever attempted the sex), is hard, because I fear that my own sex issues (which Rodney totally stole from me) just really can't be applied to Rodney because, well, he's male, and I'm female, and... so it worries me.
And then I have no idea where Weir is at all because she's making love to a man, which is something I've never done and trying to figure out why Weir loves McKay and how and how she feels about the relationship is a lot harder for me than figuring out what McKay wants out of it, which feels really obvious to me. So yes. I've just stalled again in writing, and am going to watch the second episode of Veronica Mars, which is less confusing to me than trying to get Elizabeth and Rodney out of their pants.
[side note: I realize I totally alternate between first and last names. It's a thing.]
And the Jossverse femslashy stuff I over-identify with, like Willow/Tara and Willow/Fred both, are really easy for me to identify with because personality types and we're the same age and yeah. And the one Fred/Tara I wrote was entirely a self-insert, but I feel like with them, the similarities are surface and then I can dig deeper and figure out how they're different from me and how they all view the world and it's fun.
But with Weir and McKay... I am totally having issues writing because I love them so much that it's hard for me to get the proper perspective. (Does anyone else have this problem with writing pairings that they truly adore? I've never had this problem with any other pairing...) I love writing them, but I worry that my McKay is too much of a self-insert.
I think part of it is the gender-fuck. Because it's the male character I most identify with, and while I love Weir a lot, she's just less like me. (which is, incidentally, true of fandom as a whole -- this and other pollish tidbits to be compiled very soon really I swear!) Which is fine and great and I love that demographics don't determine favorite characters, but on the other hand... writing sex, or even writing relationship dynamic stuff (I would imagine. Currently, I've only ever attempted the sex), is hard, because I fear that my own sex issues (which Rodney totally stole from me) just really can't be applied to Rodney because, well, he's male, and I'm female, and... so it worries me.
And then I have no idea where Weir is at all because she's making love to a man, which is something I've never done and trying to figure out why Weir loves McKay and how and how she feels about the relationship is a lot harder for me than figuring out what McKay wants out of it, which feels really obvious to me. So yes. I've just stalled again in writing, and am going to watch the second episode of Veronica Mars, which is less confusing to me than trying to get Elizabeth and Rodney out of their pants.
[side note: I realize I totally alternate between first and last names. It's a thing.]
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-15 03:49 pm (UTC)I love Sheppard/Weir That Much in a way, too. *My* emotions are totally engaged by a fictional pairing, and I suppose that's not new for me but it is kind of bizarre. However, I'm not as solidly locked in one character or the other, so it's a bit different. *pets you* You are so cute.
(I think the last-names thing is universal in Atlantis fandom. It's tricky for me to pick one and stick with it even for an entire fic... prolly because none of them do it for even an entire episode.)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-15 08:28 pm (UTC)*is all cute like whoa*
*I* identify more with *Elizabeth* and *also* can't figure out why she'd be with McKay! :)
*cries* I alternate, because I have so much engaged in wanting her to want him, in a totally irrational shippery way, but don't really understand why she would. And part of it is I think I have trouble understanding even why she puts up with him in canon, and... *shrug* Is so confusing OMG!
It's tricky for me to pick one and stick with it even for an entire fic... prolly because none of them do it for even an entire episode
'sweird... McKay and Weir have been on a first-name basis for the entire series, and except for obviously formal situations, that's what they call each other, so I try to reflect that when I'm in one character's pov, but I don't really feel like I'm on a first-name basis with either one of them. It's kind of wacky-making.