Angelspam

[wisdomeagle]

Angel/PTB fic in epistolary form. Spoilers through "Not Fade Away"

Dear Buffy,
V. v. sorry we didn't notice your boyfriend lost his soul several months ago. And about your friend Kendra and all. Have a sword.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear PTB,
Screw my sacred calling. Am going to LA. Have fun with my boyfriend.
-Buffy no longer the Vampire Slayer

Dear Buffy,
Glad to see you're back in the saddle! We missed having you on the side of the light. As a welcome back present, we've gotten your boyfriend out of hell. Sorry for the insanity, couldn't be helped. Enjoy!
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Angel,
We hear you're trying to kill yourself. Please don't. We have big plans for your suicide. Besides, we don't much like the First. Whiny show-off. Here, have some snow.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear PTB,
Ohh, snow! We shall we your devoted servants!
Love,
Xander, Willow, Oz, Faith, Joyce, Buffy, and Angel

Dear Scoobies (especially Angel!),
Glad to hear it.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Doyle,
We hate you. This man is Angel. He's pretty, isn't he?
-TPTB

Dear Powers that Be,
Angel is very, very pretty. What can I do to repay you for giving my life a purpose again?
Love,
Doyle

Dear Angel,
Tell Doyle to wait a few weeks and find out. Teehee. In the meantime, we're sorry about your girlfriend and all. Better luck next time? Maybe the ice cream was a bit too much to ask. Glad you're still fighting the good fight,
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Doyle,
Now'd be a good time to die.
Love,
TPTB

Dear Powers,
Just make sure you take care of Cordy for me.
Love,
Doyle

Dear Doyle,
Sure thing. :D
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Cordy,
Hi, there!
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Powers,
You really suck, you know?
-Cordy the unwilling seer

Dear Cordy,
It could be worse! Bwahahahaha -- we mean, very sorry about your boyfriend. Better luck next time.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Angel,
Heyyy, long time no see! Sorry about your exes... we totally let that Darla sitch get out of hand, huh? Very, very sorry. Here, have the invitation spell removed for a couple seconds.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear PTB,
Thank you ever so. I'll continue fighting the good fight for you guys for the rest of my natural existence, unless I get dropped to the bottom of the ocean or something.
Love,
Angel
PS from Kate: Thanks, guys!

Dear Angel,
You're welcome. We hear Pylea's lovely this time of year. Enjoy your trip!
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear PTB,
Owwwww, my head!
-Cordy

Dear Cordelia,
How charming to hear from you! Thank you for being our voice on earth for the past two years. It's been very useful. Please die now. Oh, and a very happy birthday from all of us.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB
PS from Jasmine: How'd you like to be a demon?

Dear PTB,
Screw you. I'm going with the Jasmine option.
-Cordy, newly demonized and so far horns and tail-free!

Dear Cordy,
It has come to our attention that you are a pod person. Here, have a dream.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Powers,
HELP!
Love,
Cordy

Dear Connor,
We're very sorry, but it's come to our attention that you should kill your girlfriend. We would have had you contact Planned Parenthood a couple of months ago, but we were busy dealing with a tricky First situation in Sunnydale. Please forgive us. Your mom says hi.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Angel,
I see through your ploys. There are no such things as Powers.
Your son,
Connor

Dear Angel,
We're really, really sorry about your girlfriend and all. Please find enclosed detailed instructions on how to kill yourself.
Lovingly yours,
TPTB

Dear Powers that Be,
Thanks.
Love,
Angel.

The End.

Comments

[wisdomeagle]

Heh. Isn't it though?