whiny petty academic jealousy

[wisdomeagle]

OMG Honors Convocation made me twitch. And like, no, it's not fair. Because I did excel. For frell's sake, I got tapped for Phi Beta Kappa, and even if they forgot to mention my name, I have been an honors' scholar for four years. And okay, so I'm not a class marshal this semester, and was in fact only an honor's scholar for one year, but just because I have like, the third or fourth highest GPA (instead of the first or second) does not make me a bad person. And I didn't win Aphra Benn this year because I won it last year. Remember? Professor Plant saying all sorts of nice things about you? You don't get the spotlight every year. It's okay.

I hate awards ceremonies where I don't clean up. Which is so unfair of me. Because lots of other people did lots of awards-worthy things. For real. It's okay. It doesn't mean that I still don't have a kick-ass GPA, and I'm still going to be inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, and won Aphra Benn (for creative writing) last year, and all sorts of other good stuff.

So there was really no reason for me to sit there seething through the awards ceremony when intelligent, well-rounded, deserving people won awards and I got crap. (Except the Phi Beta Kappa tapping, which meant I had to sit in the front row for the entire ceremony. O_o).

Well, I am happy for cheese_munkey's roommate, who got the well-deserved Asian Studies award and was introduced simply as "the best Asian studies student ever." Which is fair. And honestly, sums up what all the awards ceremony could have been. "Best chemistry student this year." "Best writer this year." "Best anthropology student this year ever."

I'm a hideous, horrible, jealous person though, and found it difficult to be happy for anyone else because I was too busy thinking about how freaked and stressed I am about thesis, and how badly I feel about dropping the honors thesis, and how OMG stressed I am, and convinced that I'm horrible and lazy and a slacker and a slob and... yeah, it didn't exactly help with the looming pit of self-loathing.

Shall go to both Maundy Thursday services tonight, I think. And possibly skip art to go to the Good Friday service. And dang, I'm probably not going to Easter Vigil, as girlfriend shall be here. But will drag girlfriend to Easter service, and there will be JOY!

Comments

[jedi-penguin.livejournal.com]

AGREED!

[wisdomeagle]

Ohhh, PoA huggles! *stares at icon, mesmerized*

Love. :D