Jossverse meta
Jan. 8th, 2005 10:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wisdomeagleSo I've been thinking about Giles lately. (And by lately, I mean since I watched "Welcome to the Hellmouth" for the first time, last March.) And I've got this Giles/Buffy S6 AU in my head, and first I want to add a verse to "Standing." But first I had to really look at "Standing" to see what it's about. Boy, don't I wish I hadn't.
"Standing" by Joss Whedon, sung by Anthony Stewart Head
You're not ready
For the world outside
You keep pretending,
but you just can't hide
I know I said that I'd
Be standing by your side
But I
Your path's unbeaten,
And it's all uphill
And you can meet it,
But you never will
And I'm the reason that you're standing still
But I
I wish I could say
The right words
To lead you through this land
Wish I could play the father
And take you by the hand
Wish I could stay here
But now I understand
I'm standing in the way
The cries around you,
You don't hear at all
'Cause you know I'm here
To take that call
So you just lie there when
You should be standing tall
But I
I wish I could
Lay your arms down
And let you rest at last
Wish I could
Slay your demons
But now that time has passed
Wish I could stay here
Your stalwart, standing fast
But I'm
Standing in the way
I'm just standing
In the way
Between Buffy's Coffin And Giles's Flat in Bath: Giles and the Watcher-Slayer Relationship in "Once More With Feeling"
"Standing" is a love ballad in five verses, which can be divided into two Wish Triads and three "But I" verses. The "But I..." verses serve as a critique of Buffy as a Slayer, and an attempted diagnosis of her as a person. In other words, Giles states The Problem With Buffy as he sees it at this point in canon.
The first two verses have parallel structures. He begins each verse with a you-statement. The first verse begins, "You're not ready," a harsh declaration of fact, and an important one. The theme is preparedness, and evokes one of the key tasks of the Watcher, at least at first: to train the Slayer, to prepare her, to make her ready for the task she must perform. To say that Buffy is not ready is equivalent to saying that Giles has failed at his job of preparing her, and later Giles will say just that later in the song -- link Buffy's unreadiness with his own failures.
Likewise, the second verse begins, "Your path's unbeaten." He's still talking about Buffy, but this is not so much an explicit critique of Buffy herself, but more a clarification of her situation. Buffy's path is unbeaten -- she will be the first person to walk it. This also hearkens back to the role of the Watcher. A Watcher, with his or her special knowledge of Slayer lore, has an understanding of the Slayer path that no one else has, and thus a Watcher can provide his/her Slayer with special assistance as she walks her path. But Buffy's path is unique. Giles Watcher training can't assist him in assisting Buffy.
The idea of a "path" is important, as the first three verses of the song use the idea of "standing" as stagnant. Buffy is standing still when she should be striding forth, moving, following her path. The second line of each of the first two verses deals with the idea of location and expands the metaphor of Buffy's depression as being stuck in one physical location. The first verse tells us that Buffy is unready "for the world outside," while the second verse says Buffy's path is "all uphill." Buffy is in a low, enclosed space: a coffin. The grave she must fight her way out of in the first and last episodes of the season.
The next clause in each verse deals with Buffy's attempts to deal with her situation, and with what she can and cannot do. "You keep pretending/But you just can't hide," says Giles. "And you can meet it [your path]/But you never will." Buffy is pretending, playing games: pretending that she is ready, an illusion she cannot maintain, or pretending that she doesn't have to be ready, which just isn't true. Giles has confidence in his Slayer; he is convinced that she has the ability to meet her path, to stride forward on it. But, he adds. "But you never will."
The word "but" occurs once or twice in every verse. The song is full of reversals and contradictions, the contradictions in Giles's own mind as he struggles to make up his mind about his own path. Buffy is pretending but she can't. She has the ability to meet her path but she won't. Giles wants to stay but... but I.
The first two verses both move from Buffy to Giles, who blames himself for Buffy's failure. In the first verse, he reminds himself of the vows he has previously made. "I know I said that I'd/Be standing by your side." This is the ideal, essential role of the Watcher as Giles sees it. It may be a summary of the vows he took with the Council, but it seems more likely that this is his own, particular interpretation of the role of the Watcher, the choice he has made explicitly throughout the series to continue to fight by Buffy's side. Or, to stand by her side. Standing, as the central metaphor of the song, has a richer meaning than simply fighting side by side (as, for instance, Buffy and Angel, Buffy and Faith, Buffy and Riley, or Buffy and Spike continually do). For Giles, standing by Buffy's side means something less literal than that, and has more to do with the emotional support and complementary skills he provides for the Slayer. This is also the song's first declaration of the role of the Watcher, a theme that is explored more thoroughly in the Wish Triads. I believe this statement, and this verse, exemplify the ideal Watcher-Slayer relationship as Giles sees it. As noted above, the verse opens with a discussion of Buffy's readiness, reminding us that the Watcher's task is to prepare the Slayer. Once prepared, she will fight, but not alone: her Watcher will (metaphorically) always be by her side, standing firm.
In the second verse, Giles reveals that his present relationship with his Slayer is not ideal. After saying that she will never meet her path, he declares himself the reason for her stasis. "I'm the reason that you're standing still." Later (particularly in the fourth verse), Giles will be more explicit about the ways he has failed Buffy, but here the guilt is free-floating. Giles assumes full culpability for everything that's wrong with Buffy. Here, also, "standing" is attached to Buffy rather than to Giles, something that only occurs one other time. However, it is because of Giles that Buffy is standing still. "Standing" is an arc that connects the entire song. Giles's standing by Buffy's side, her "stalwart, standing fast," has become standing in the way, preventing her from following her path.
Let us skip over the third verse, which is the first Wish Triad, so we can consider the "But I" verses as a unit and then both Triads as another, below.
Verse four is an outlier. 1 Like the first two verses, it ends with Giles's trailing "But I..." but its structure lacks surface parallelism with the first two verses. Like them, however, it begins with a critique of Buffy. "The cries around you/You don't hear at all." While the first verse deals with Buffy's inner condition (physically, she is fine. It's emotionally that she's not ready) and the second with a more existential view of her life as a journey which she's not meeting, this verse is literal. Buffy isn't listening to the people around her who need her help. Part of what has made Buffy such an extraordinary Slayer is her empathy. And one of the core themes of the show has been the way Buffy has been fighting to save her friends, not just random individuals. Giles's critique of Buffy is the same as her own self-analysis in "Going Through the Motions." Slaying random demons and vampires in the graveyard isn't enough. Buffy must listen, really listen, for her work to have meaning.
Again, Giles blames himself for Buffy's failings. It is because Buffy knows Giles is "here to take that call" that she is so deaf to the world outside. There is a hint of bitterness in this phrasing: Giles is not really here to answer Buffy's phone, as it were, or to take on her responsibilities. He is here to be her Watcher, but as we have already seen, he is either incapable of filling that function, or Buffy's needs have changed so much that Giles is no longer the right person to fill that role. If the first verse is about what an ideal Watcher is, and the second about the stagnancy of their current relationship, then this verse is about how Giles thinks Buffy sees their relationship. And it's not pretty. Giles feels he has been relegated to the role of, well, of secretary. Of gofer. Giles sees what was once a vibrant partnership deteriorating into an arrangement where he goes out to fight Buffy's battles while she "just lies there." Giles also says that Buffy "should" be standing tall" (emphasis mine), which is really the only moral obligation made explicit anywhere in the song. While there are implied moral principles at stake, this is the only one made explicit. This is not just what Giles wants Buffy to be, it is what she must be. She should be standing tall. She should be ready to fight.
Here, "standing" is not only associated with Buffy, it is also positive, and it is subjunctive, something that should exist but doesn't, much like the use of standing in the first verse, where Giles recalls that he had promised to be standing by Buffy's side. In any event, here "standing" is what Buffy should be doing, and is a positive action, standing tall, steadfast, strong, which she is not doing -- because of Giles.
When considering these three verses as a unit, the concluding "But I" naturally stands out. On a superficial level, the unfinished sentence is the one that Giles doesn't want to admit to himself, the lines he sings at song's end -- "I'm standing in the way/I'm just standing in the way." But this reading misses the inherent incompleteness in Giles's thought. He doesn't finish these sentences because he doesn't know what the answer is, what his justifications are, who he is or what he wishes. Let us examine the context of the three "But I"s.
In the first verse, Giles says "I know I said that I'd be standing by your side, but I..." It remains ambiguous. Giles doesn't want to stand by Buffy's side? It seems unlikely. He can't? He won't? Giles already realizes, at least on some level, that he is going back to England. Most simply, he said he would be standing by her side, but he isn't or very soon won't be, and that simply is. In the second verse, however, the concluding lines are, "I'm the reason that you're standing still, but I..." Here, Giles's inner conflict is most apparent. He knows (and regardless of whether it is true or not, he knows that he must leave) but... he doesn't want to. This segues into the first Wish, wherein positive I-statements will provide some possibilities for the blank left by the unspoken ellipses at the end of the "But I" verses. The fourth verse, the third "But I" verse ends, "You just lie there when you should be standing tall, but I..." Here, the "But I" follows a criticism of Buffy. It is the only "but I" that doesn't follow a clause with Giles as the subject; i.e., it does not take the form, "I did such and such, but I... [didn't want to, can't do that after all, wish I weren't, wish I were, will take some action as a result, etc]. In the present case, the form suggests that Giles is comparing himself with Buffy. Buffy is refusing to do her duty, but he... but he is about to abandon her. This suggests an alternate reading, discussed in detail below: the second-person statements in this song, Giles's analysis of Buffy, can be read additionally as addressed to Giles himself, as a self-criticism. The song is not self-justification, but Giles's thoughts and emotions laid out quite painfully.
But let us return to our verse-analysis, examining the first segue from "But I" to "I wish," in the second and third verses. "I'm the reason that you're standing still. But I... I wish I could say the right words." When thus written, the transition reads as if Giles is struggling with himself, with the contradiction between his needs and his obvious failure to do whatever it was he was supposed to do for Buffy.
The transition between the fourth and fifth verses is this: "You just lie there when you should be standing tall, but I... I wish I could lay your arms down and let you rest at last." Again, the transition is conflicted. After claiming that Buffy should be standing tall, he wishes that she could have her final rest. The conflict between what Giles wants for Buffy and what he believes is right (not necessary for Buffy, but for the greater good) is truly central to Giles's hesitation in this song.
I read the Wish Triads as a set of increasingly unrealistic desires about the Watcher-Slayer relationship. The first verse of this song references a healthy example of this relationship; the second and fourth verses deal with Giles's and Buffy's current, unhealthy relationship. The Wish Triads are about Giles's desires, all of which, the song implies, are, in the end, impossible. "Wish I could," Giles repeats six times, and the strong implication, heightened by the frequent repetition of "but now" and his claim that he's only "standing in the way," is that he cannot (or should not) do what he wishes.
The first wish is for the ability to "say the right words/to lead you through this land." The wish is highly resonant with the previous two verses and with previous understandings of what it means to be a Watcher. Giles's power has always been related to words; he started the show as a librarian, as the keeper of words. Thus he is wishing not for an impossibility, but for his own past, when he was capable of correct speech, of saying the powerful words that would guide his Slayer. Such speech is also referenced in verse one, where Giles remembers that he said that he would stand by Buffy's side. These words are no longer the right words, though.
The physical arrangement in the depicted relationship has changed. In the first verse, Giles promised to be side-by-side with Buffy -- an equal partner. Here, he wishes he could be the leader. Part of the role of Watcher is to be a guide, and this has always been true, but a leader has different qualities. The role of leader has gradually fallen more and more to Buffy over the seasons, and Giles wants that role back (although in the end he renounces his claim to it), not, it would seem, because he wants power over Buffy, but because he wants to guide her. Again, we have strong references to physical loci. Giles wants to lead or guide Buffy "through this land." The land in question is the land of the living, but it is also, as Buffy said in Bargaining, the land of hell. Because of how Buffy perceives it, Giles and Buffy are living in very different places, graphically depicted during this song by the way the move in different times.
Giles's next wish is really the center of the song -- and it is the middle phrase of the middle verse -- and the center of Giles's dilemma since "Helpless" at the absolute latest. "Wish I could play the father/And take you by the hand." Giles feels for Buffy. He wants to be more than, other than, different from just a Watcher. He wants to play the role of father, to take her hand, to touch her, to lead her through the world, but not just with words, but physically, emotionally. Father is such a loaded word in this instance 2, but it is also rich with connotations of closeness and love that aren't necessarily present in a Watcher-Slayer relationship, even a functional one. The kind of Watcher Giles wishes he were is one who loves his Slayer and "takes her by the hand." The image is of Buffy, lying in a grave, reaching a hand up to Giles, who pulls her out. but again, this cannot be, by the implication that guides this entire verse -- Giles believes his wishes cannot come to pass.
The third wish in the triad is the only one that will be repeated. "Wish I could stay here." This is partially the sum of Giles's wishes, and it is because none of his other wishes can come true -- because he believes he cannot provide Buffy with the words she needs or the guidance she craves -- that he must leave. "Here" is not just Sunnydale -- it is in the role of Watcher, in the back of the Magic Box, training, watching over Buffy. It is this that Giles realizes he cannot do.
Giles comes to an understanding in this verse, the phrase that will be repeated twice at song's end -- he is standing in the way. He says, "But now I understand." That now implies a change in state, a movement from ignorance to knowledge. It will also be repeated in the second Wish Triad, in the phrase "but now that time has passed." Not just the time for the fulfillment of that specific wish, but for the fulfillment of all of them, or any of them. But now is a time of change, a time when Giles, always the guardian of knowledge, finally achieves a new and final understanding -- he must leave. Because he is standing in the way.
The irony is that Giles's "standing," positive previously, has become negative. Rather than standing by Buffy's side, or even in front of her, leading her, he is blocking her progress. It is because of him that Buffy is standing still. It is not clear why Giles believes this on a rational level, and it seems more like a gut feeling that he is impeding her progress. Looking at the preceding wishes, perhaps Giles suspects his feelings for Buffy are the roadblock, that because he wishes he could take her by the hand, because he wishes he could play the father in her life, he is inadvertently standing in the way of the emotional growing up she needs to do.
The second Wish Triad, even more than the first, carries this implication. These wishes are far more extreme than the first Triad's wishes, which are extensions of the typical Watcher-Slayer relationship. Here, Giles wishes he could do the impossible, starting with laying Buffy's arms down, letting her rest at last. In the vocabulary of seasons five and six, "rest" for Buffy is death. There is no rest without death, but Giles cannot be wishing for Buffy's death. He wishes he could take an active role in Buffy's retirement, so to speak, could stop her from fighting, could physically take her arms -- both her upper limbs and her weapons, I suspect -- and move her out of fighting stance. This is an extension of his wish two verses previous to take her hand, but even more extreme. All of Giles's wishes are in Buffy's best interests, but all of them revolve around his increased involvement and in control in Buffy's life.
The second wish in this Triad is even more ridiculous. "Wish I could slay your demons." This is clearly not an appropriate action. In the Watcher-Slayer dyad, it is the Slayer who does the demon-slaying. Regardless of what might literally occur -- see, for instance, Giles killing Ben in "Gift" -- in the Watcher-Slayer syntax, it is an error for the Watcher to want to slay demons. This is evident even in the language -- "slay your demons." They are Buffy's to slay by birthright, and it is absurd for Giles to take them on. This is however, what all the wishes have been leading up to. Giles wants to guide and protect Buffy, to father her, to keep her safe, to slay her demons. But this is the crux. This is not possible. Buffy is the Slayer, and none of Giles's wishing can change that.
Giles realizes he cannot slay Buffy's demons, and his reasoning is this: "Now that time has passed." Because the notion of a Watcher slaying demons is absurd, this phrase must be considered. Giles surely realizes the absurdity -- at least now. Perhaps in that past time, he took on an inappropriate role, and now he is prepared to relinquish that back to Buffy. The phrase can also be associated with the rest of the song, which is about Watcher-Slayer relationships and Giles's relationship with Buffy in particular. The time for that relationship -- at least as a Watcher-Slayer relationship -- has passed. This song is Giles's realization that this is so.
Giles repeats his wish from the first Triad -- "wish I could stay here" -- and adds a phrase -- "your stalwart, standing fast." The "standing" image is positive here, and reminiscent of the first verse's "standing by your side." After descending to the depths of the absurd in attempting to (re)define the Watcher-Slayer relationship, Giles returns to the song's beginning and to his original vows -- but now he only wishes he could fulfill them. A stalwart, according to dictionary.com, is "one who is physically and morally strong," or "steadfastly supports an organization or cause." As Watcher, Giles has theoretically stood firm, never swerving from the cause or from his duty. That is all changing now. Giles wishes he could stand fast, but he cannot -- he cannot stand tall.
In the previous verse, Giles said that Buffy should stand tall, however. What's going on here? Does Giles have a double standard? Well, perhaps he does. But I think more is going on. Giles doesn't draw explicit parallels between himself and Buffy in this song, but they certainly exist. Let us reexamine the critique tacitly sung to Buffy, and see how the words apply to Giles.
"You're not ready for the world outside." As Giles prepares to leave Sunnydale and attempt to live his life separate from Buffy and from Sunnydale, he notes that he's unprepared. After spending just a few days in England, he knows that he is not ready to face the readjustment that he (knows) thinks he must face. He "keep[s] pretending, but [he] just can't hide." In this episode, the hidden things come to light, and in this song, Giles's own feelings come to light. His desperate desire to protect his Slayer, his love for her, his realization that it is this very love that is preventing her from growing. While Buffy's path is out of hell, Giles's is out of Sunnydale, and he notes that it is unbeaten, and that while he can meet it, he never will... "I'm the reason that you're standing still." It is because of him that Buffy is stuck, but it is also because of him, because of his emotional ties to Buffy, that he's still in Sunnydale. Not only is Buffy still living like an animated corpse, but Buffy and Giles are stuck in a holding pattern with each other. Their relationship is standing still, and Giles is about to move both of them to new places, physically and emotionally.
The fourth verse, however, is especially telling if one views it as a critique of Giles as well as of Buffy. "The cries around you you don't hear at all." In leaving, Giles is ignoring Buffy's wishes, and he is also leaving Willow, whom he knows is in over her head, and Xander, who's preparing to take a step he's not sure he's ready for, and Dawn, who needs a better parent than Buffy can be, and Tara, who's preparing to leave an unhealthy relationship. Giles knows that he is leaving them. Whether or not he believes this leaving is truly acceptable, or how much he has rationalized it, is unclear. But he must know whom he is leaving behind. He knows that Buffy should listen to their cries, but excuses himself. Reading this verse as a critique of himself as well as Buffy adds a level of complexity to Giles's decision. "You should be standing tall," he says. "I wish I could stay here, your stalwart standing fast." But he must move forward, onwards, to the world outside -- and it is really he, and not Buffy, who moves to a literal outside world this season -- because whatever it is he wants to do in Sunnydale, he isn't doing it. Perhaps he can't. Some of what he wishes for is unattainable. When he does stand up, he finds himself only standing in the way of Buffy's movement, of Buffy's growth. His love for her chokes. His need to protect her makes her weak.
And so he leaves, after singing, both to his charge and to himself, about how much he wishes he could still be her guide, her Watcher, could still fulfill his duty.
1. I swore to myself that I wouldn't go meta with this and stick strictly to the text, but I find this to be a very weak verse, and seem to recall from the commentary that this was originally two (or more?) verses detailing all of the people Buffy was ignoring, but they had to cut it for time (like they couldn't have, I dunno, cut some of Dawn's interminable screentime, or some of Sweet's tapdancing, and let Tony sing more? Arrrrgh. Anyhow, avoiding the meta!) so he basically stuffed it all into one verse, which is why I think it feels so literal and expositiony.
2. I don't think this particular reading really adds much to a full analysis, but I wanted to throw it out there: this line is partially in reference to the last task Buffy has had Giles perform: her assumption in "All the Way" that Giles will be the one to discipline Dawn -- in essence, to play Dawn's father. Giles wishes he could assume the role of Dawn's co-parent, or that he would father Dawn while Buffy mothered her. And they would be all hand-holding and such! -- in other words, this would be the blindly 'shippy interpretation. Back to your regularly scheduled analysis.
"Standing" by Joss Whedon, sung by Anthony Stewart Head
You're not ready
For the world outside
You keep pretending,
but you just can't hide
I know I said that I'd
Be standing by your side
But I
Your path's unbeaten,
And it's all uphill
And you can meet it,
But you never will
And I'm the reason that you're standing still
But I
I wish I could say
The right words
To lead you through this land
Wish I could play the father
And take you by the hand
Wish I could stay here
But now I understand
I'm standing in the way
The cries around you,
You don't hear at all
'Cause you know I'm here
To take that call
So you just lie there when
You should be standing tall
But I
I wish I could
Lay your arms down
And let you rest at last
Wish I could
Slay your demons
But now that time has passed
Wish I could stay here
Your stalwart, standing fast
But I'm
Standing in the way
I'm just standing
In the way
Between Buffy's Coffin And Giles's Flat in Bath: Giles and the Watcher-Slayer Relationship in "Once More With Feeling"
"Standing" is a love ballad in five verses, which can be divided into two Wish Triads and three "But I" verses. The "But I..." verses serve as a critique of Buffy as a Slayer, and an attempted diagnosis of her as a person. In other words, Giles states The Problem With Buffy as he sees it at this point in canon.
The first two verses have parallel structures. He begins each verse with a you-statement. The first verse begins, "You're not ready," a harsh declaration of fact, and an important one. The theme is preparedness, and evokes one of the key tasks of the Watcher, at least at first: to train the Slayer, to prepare her, to make her ready for the task she must perform. To say that Buffy is not ready is equivalent to saying that Giles has failed at his job of preparing her, and later Giles will say just that later in the song -- link Buffy's unreadiness with his own failures.
Likewise, the second verse begins, "Your path's unbeaten." He's still talking about Buffy, but this is not so much an explicit critique of Buffy herself, but more a clarification of her situation. Buffy's path is unbeaten -- she will be the first person to walk it. This also hearkens back to the role of the Watcher. A Watcher, with his or her special knowledge of Slayer lore, has an understanding of the Slayer path that no one else has, and thus a Watcher can provide his/her Slayer with special assistance as she walks her path. But Buffy's path is unique. Giles Watcher training can't assist him in assisting Buffy.
The idea of a "path" is important, as the first three verses of the song use the idea of "standing" as stagnant. Buffy is standing still when she should be striding forth, moving, following her path. The second line of each of the first two verses deals with the idea of location and expands the metaphor of Buffy's depression as being stuck in one physical location. The first verse tells us that Buffy is unready "for the world outside," while the second verse says Buffy's path is "all uphill." Buffy is in a low, enclosed space: a coffin. The grave she must fight her way out of in the first and last episodes of the season.
The next clause in each verse deals with Buffy's attempts to deal with her situation, and with what she can and cannot do. "You keep pretending/But you just can't hide," says Giles. "And you can meet it [your path]/But you never will." Buffy is pretending, playing games: pretending that she is ready, an illusion she cannot maintain, or pretending that she doesn't have to be ready, which just isn't true. Giles has confidence in his Slayer; he is convinced that she has the ability to meet her path, to stride forward on it. But, he adds. "But you never will."
The word "but" occurs once or twice in every verse. The song is full of reversals and contradictions, the contradictions in Giles's own mind as he struggles to make up his mind about his own path. Buffy is pretending but she can't. She has the ability to meet her path but she won't. Giles wants to stay but... but I.
The first two verses both move from Buffy to Giles, who blames himself for Buffy's failure. In the first verse, he reminds himself of the vows he has previously made. "I know I said that I'd/Be standing by your side." This is the ideal, essential role of the Watcher as Giles sees it. It may be a summary of the vows he took with the Council, but it seems more likely that this is his own, particular interpretation of the role of the Watcher, the choice he has made explicitly throughout the series to continue to fight by Buffy's side. Or, to stand by her side. Standing, as the central metaphor of the song, has a richer meaning than simply fighting side by side (as, for instance, Buffy and Angel, Buffy and Faith, Buffy and Riley, or Buffy and Spike continually do). For Giles, standing by Buffy's side means something less literal than that, and has more to do with the emotional support and complementary skills he provides for the Slayer. This is also the song's first declaration of the role of the Watcher, a theme that is explored more thoroughly in the Wish Triads. I believe this statement, and this verse, exemplify the ideal Watcher-Slayer relationship as Giles sees it. As noted above, the verse opens with a discussion of Buffy's readiness, reminding us that the Watcher's task is to prepare the Slayer. Once prepared, she will fight, but not alone: her Watcher will (metaphorically) always be by her side, standing firm.
In the second verse, Giles reveals that his present relationship with his Slayer is not ideal. After saying that she will never meet her path, he declares himself the reason for her stasis. "I'm the reason that you're standing still." Later (particularly in the fourth verse), Giles will be more explicit about the ways he has failed Buffy, but here the guilt is free-floating. Giles assumes full culpability for everything that's wrong with Buffy. Here, also, "standing" is attached to Buffy rather than to Giles, something that only occurs one other time. However, it is because of Giles that Buffy is standing still. "Standing" is an arc that connects the entire song. Giles's standing by Buffy's side, her "stalwart, standing fast," has become standing in the way, preventing her from following her path.
Let us skip over the third verse, which is the first Wish Triad, so we can consider the "But I" verses as a unit and then both Triads as another, below.
Verse four is an outlier. 1 Like the first two verses, it ends with Giles's trailing "But I..." but its structure lacks surface parallelism with the first two verses. Like them, however, it begins with a critique of Buffy. "The cries around you/You don't hear at all." While the first verse deals with Buffy's inner condition (physically, she is fine. It's emotionally that she's not ready) and the second with a more existential view of her life as a journey which she's not meeting, this verse is literal. Buffy isn't listening to the people around her who need her help. Part of what has made Buffy such an extraordinary Slayer is her empathy. And one of the core themes of the show has been the way Buffy has been fighting to save her friends, not just random individuals. Giles's critique of Buffy is the same as her own self-analysis in "Going Through the Motions." Slaying random demons and vampires in the graveyard isn't enough. Buffy must listen, really listen, for her work to have meaning.
Again, Giles blames himself for Buffy's failings. It is because Buffy knows Giles is "here to take that call" that she is so deaf to the world outside. There is a hint of bitterness in this phrasing: Giles is not really here to answer Buffy's phone, as it were, or to take on her responsibilities. He is here to be her Watcher, but as we have already seen, he is either incapable of filling that function, or Buffy's needs have changed so much that Giles is no longer the right person to fill that role. If the first verse is about what an ideal Watcher is, and the second about the stagnancy of their current relationship, then this verse is about how Giles thinks Buffy sees their relationship. And it's not pretty. Giles feels he has been relegated to the role of, well, of secretary. Of gofer. Giles sees what was once a vibrant partnership deteriorating into an arrangement where he goes out to fight Buffy's battles while she "just lies there." Giles also says that Buffy "should" be standing tall" (emphasis mine), which is really the only moral obligation made explicit anywhere in the song. While there are implied moral principles at stake, this is the only one made explicit. This is not just what Giles wants Buffy to be, it is what she must be. She should be standing tall. She should be ready to fight.
Here, "standing" is not only associated with Buffy, it is also positive, and it is subjunctive, something that should exist but doesn't, much like the use of standing in the first verse, where Giles recalls that he had promised to be standing by Buffy's side. In any event, here "standing" is what Buffy should be doing, and is a positive action, standing tall, steadfast, strong, which she is not doing -- because of Giles.
When considering these three verses as a unit, the concluding "But I" naturally stands out. On a superficial level, the unfinished sentence is the one that Giles doesn't want to admit to himself, the lines he sings at song's end -- "I'm standing in the way/I'm just standing in the way." But this reading misses the inherent incompleteness in Giles's thought. He doesn't finish these sentences because he doesn't know what the answer is, what his justifications are, who he is or what he wishes. Let us examine the context of the three "But I"s.
In the first verse, Giles says "I know I said that I'd be standing by your side, but I..." It remains ambiguous. Giles doesn't want to stand by Buffy's side? It seems unlikely. He can't? He won't? Giles already realizes, at least on some level, that he is going back to England. Most simply, he said he would be standing by her side, but he isn't or very soon won't be, and that simply is. In the second verse, however, the concluding lines are, "I'm the reason that you're standing still, but I..." Here, Giles's inner conflict is most apparent. He knows (and regardless of whether it is true or not, he knows that he must leave) but... he doesn't want to. This segues into the first Wish, wherein positive I-statements will provide some possibilities for the blank left by the unspoken ellipses at the end of the "But I" verses. The fourth verse, the third "But I" verse ends, "You just lie there when you should be standing tall, but I..." Here, the "But I" follows a criticism of Buffy. It is the only "but I" that doesn't follow a clause with Giles as the subject; i.e., it does not take the form, "I did such and such, but I... [didn't want to, can't do that after all, wish I weren't, wish I were, will take some action as a result, etc]. In the present case, the form suggests that Giles is comparing himself with Buffy. Buffy is refusing to do her duty, but he... but he is about to abandon her. This suggests an alternate reading, discussed in detail below: the second-person statements in this song, Giles's analysis of Buffy, can be read additionally as addressed to Giles himself, as a self-criticism. The song is not self-justification, but Giles's thoughts and emotions laid out quite painfully.
But let us return to our verse-analysis, examining the first segue from "But I" to "I wish," in the second and third verses. "I'm the reason that you're standing still. But I... I wish I could say the right words." When thus written, the transition reads as if Giles is struggling with himself, with the contradiction between his needs and his obvious failure to do whatever it was he was supposed to do for Buffy.
The transition between the fourth and fifth verses is this: "You just lie there when you should be standing tall, but I... I wish I could lay your arms down and let you rest at last." Again, the transition is conflicted. After claiming that Buffy should be standing tall, he wishes that she could have her final rest. The conflict between what Giles wants for Buffy and what he believes is right (not necessary for Buffy, but for the greater good) is truly central to Giles's hesitation in this song.
I read the Wish Triads as a set of increasingly unrealistic desires about the Watcher-Slayer relationship. The first verse of this song references a healthy example of this relationship; the second and fourth verses deal with Giles's and Buffy's current, unhealthy relationship. The Wish Triads are about Giles's desires, all of which, the song implies, are, in the end, impossible. "Wish I could," Giles repeats six times, and the strong implication, heightened by the frequent repetition of "but now" and his claim that he's only "standing in the way," is that he cannot (or should not) do what he wishes.
The first wish is for the ability to "say the right words/to lead you through this land." The wish is highly resonant with the previous two verses and with previous understandings of what it means to be a Watcher. Giles's power has always been related to words; he started the show as a librarian, as the keeper of words. Thus he is wishing not for an impossibility, but for his own past, when he was capable of correct speech, of saying the powerful words that would guide his Slayer. Such speech is also referenced in verse one, where Giles remembers that he said that he would stand by Buffy's side. These words are no longer the right words, though.
The physical arrangement in the depicted relationship has changed. In the first verse, Giles promised to be side-by-side with Buffy -- an equal partner. Here, he wishes he could be the leader. Part of the role of Watcher is to be a guide, and this has always been true, but a leader has different qualities. The role of leader has gradually fallen more and more to Buffy over the seasons, and Giles wants that role back (although in the end he renounces his claim to it), not, it would seem, because he wants power over Buffy, but because he wants to guide her. Again, we have strong references to physical loci. Giles wants to lead or guide Buffy "through this land." The land in question is the land of the living, but it is also, as Buffy said in Bargaining, the land of hell. Because of how Buffy perceives it, Giles and Buffy are living in very different places, graphically depicted during this song by the way the move in different times.
Giles's next wish is really the center of the song -- and it is the middle phrase of the middle verse -- and the center of Giles's dilemma since "Helpless" at the absolute latest. "Wish I could play the father/And take you by the hand." Giles feels for Buffy. He wants to be more than, other than, different from just a Watcher. He wants to play the role of father, to take her hand, to touch her, to lead her through the world, but not just with words, but physically, emotionally. Father is such a loaded word in this instance 2, but it is also rich with connotations of closeness and love that aren't necessarily present in a Watcher-Slayer relationship, even a functional one. The kind of Watcher Giles wishes he were is one who loves his Slayer and "takes her by the hand." The image is of Buffy, lying in a grave, reaching a hand up to Giles, who pulls her out. but again, this cannot be, by the implication that guides this entire verse -- Giles believes his wishes cannot come to pass.
The third wish in the triad is the only one that will be repeated. "Wish I could stay here." This is partially the sum of Giles's wishes, and it is because none of his other wishes can come true -- because he believes he cannot provide Buffy with the words she needs or the guidance she craves -- that he must leave. "Here" is not just Sunnydale -- it is in the role of Watcher, in the back of the Magic Box, training, watching over Buffy. It is this that Giles realizes he cannot do.
Giles comes to an understanding in this verse, the phrase that will be repeated twice at song's end -- he is standing in the way. He says, "But now I understand." That now implies a change in state, a movement from ignorance to knowledge. It will also be repeated in the second Wish Triad, in the phrase "but now that time has passed." Not just the time for the fulfillment of that specific wish, but for the fulfillment of all of them, or any of them. But now is a time of change, a time when Giles, always the guardian of knowledge, finally achieves a new and final understanding -- he must leave. Because he is standing in the way.
The irony is that Giles's "standing," positive previously, has become negative. Rather than standing by Buffy's side, or even in front of her, leading her, he is blocking her progress. It is because of him that Buffy is standing still. It is not clear why Giles believes this on a rational level, and it seems more like a gut feeling that he is impeding her progress. Looking at the preceding wishes, perhaps Giles suspects his feelings for Buffy are the roadblock, that because he wishes he could take her by the hand, because he wishes he could play the father in her life, he is inadvertently standing in the way of the emotional growing up she needs to do.
The second Wish Triad, even more than the first, carries this implication. These wishes are far more extreme than the first Triad's wishes, which are extensions of the typical Watcher-Slayer relationship. Here, Giles wishes he could do the impossible, starting with laying Buffy's arms down, letting her rest at last. In the vocabulary of seasons five and six, "rest" for Buffy is death. There is no rest without death, but Giles cannot be wishing for Buffy's death. He wishes he could take an active role in Buffy's retirement, so to speak, could stop her from fighting, could physically take her arms -- both her upper limbs and her weapons, I suspect -- and move her out of fighting stance. This is an extension of his wish two verses previous to take her hand, but even more extreme. All of Giles's wishes are in Buffy's best interests, but all of them revolve around his increased involvement and in control in Buffy's life.
The second wish in this Triad is even more ridiculous. "Wish I could slay your demons." This is clearly not an appropriate action. In the Watcher-Slayer dyad, it is the Slayer who does the demon-slaying. Regardless of what might literally occur -- see, for instance, Giles killing Ben in "Gift" -- in the Watcher-Slayer syntax, it is an error for the Watcher to want to slay demons. This is evident even in the language -- "slay your demons." They are Buffy's to slay by birthright, and it is absurd for Giles to take them on. This is however, what all the wishes have been leading up to. Giles wants to guide and protect Buffy, to father her, to keep her safe, to slay her demons. But this is the crux. This is not possible. Buffy is the Slayer, and none of Giles's wishing can change that.
Giles realizes he cannot slay Buffy's demons, and his reasoning is this: "Now that time has passed." Because the notion of a Watcher slaying demons is absurd, this phrase must be considered. Giles surely realizes the absurdity -- at least now. Perhaps in that past time, he took on an inappropriate role, and now he is prepared to relinquish that back to Buffy. The phrase can also be associated with the rest of the song, which is about Watcher-Slayer relationships and Giles's relationship with Buffy in particular. The time for that relationship -- at least as a Watcher-Slayer relationship -- has passed. This song is Giles's realization that this is so.
Giles repeats his wish from the first Triad -- "wish I could stay here" -- and adds a phrase -- "your stalwart, standing fast." The "standing" image is positive here, and reminiscent of the first verse's "standing by your side." After descending to the depths of the absurd in attempting to (re)define the Watcher-Slayer relationship, Giles returns to the song's beginning and to his original vows -- but now he only wishes he could fulfill them. A stalwart, according to dictionary.com, is "one who is physically and morally strong," or "steadfastly supports an organization or cause." As Watcher, Giles has theoretically stood firm, never swerving from the cause or from his duty. That is all changing now. Giles wishes he could stand fast, but he cannot -- he cannot stand tall.
In the previous verse, Giles said that Buffy should stand tall, however. What's going on here? Does Giles have a double standard? Well, perhaps he does. But I think more is going on. Giles doesn't draw explicit parallels between himself and Buffy in this song, but they certainly exist. Let us reexamine the critique tacitly sung to Buffy, and see how the words apply to Giles.
"You're not ready for the world outside." As Giles prepares to leave Sunnydale and attempt to live his life separate from Buffy and from Sunnydale, he notes that he's unprepared. After spending just a few days in England, he knows that he is not ready to face the readjustment that he (knows) thinks he must face. He "keep[s] pretending, but [he] just can't hide." In this episode, the hidden things come to light, and in this song, Giles's own feelings come to light. His desperate desire to protect his Slayer, his love for her, his realization that it is this very love that is preventing her from growing. While Buffy's path is out of hell, Giles's is out of Sunnydale, and he notes that it is unbeaten, and that while he can meet it, he never will... "I'm the reason that you're standing still." It is because of him that Buffy is stuck, but it is also because of him, because of his emotional ties to Buffy, that he's still in Sunnydale. Not only is Buffy still living like an animated corpse, but Buffy and Giles are stuck in a holding pattern with each other. Their relationship is standing still, and Giles is about to move both of them to new places, physically and emotionally.
The fourth verse, however, is especially telling if one views it as a critique of Giles as well as of Buffy. "The cries around you you don't hear at all." In leaving, Giles is ignoring Buffy's wishes, and he is also leaving Willow, whom he knows is in over her head, and Xander, who's preparing to take a step he's not sure he's ready for, and Dawn, who needs a better parent than Buffy can be, and Tara, who's preparing to leave an unhealthy relationship. Giles knows that he is leaving them. Whether or not he believes this leaving is truly acceptable, or how much he has rationalized it, is unclear. But he must know whom he is leaving behind. He knows that Buffy should listen to their cries, but excuses himself. Reading this verse as a critique of himself as well as Buffy adds a level of complexity to Giles's decision. "You should be standing tall," he says. "I wish I could stay here, your stalwart standing fast." But he must move forward, onwards, to the world outside -- and it is really he, and not Buffy, who moves to a literal outside world this season -- because whatever it is he wants to do in Sunnydale, he isn't doing it. Perhaps he can't. Some of what he wishes for is unattainable. When he does stand up, he finds himself only standing in the way of Buffy's movement, of Buffy's growth. His love for her chokes. His need to protect her makes her weak.
And so he leaves, after singing, both to his charge and to himself, about how much he wishes he could still be her guide, her Watcher, could still fulfill his duty.
1. I swore to myself that I wouldn't go meta with this and stick strictly to the text, but I find this to be a very weak verse, and seem to recall from the commentary that this was originally two (or more?) verses detailing all of the people Buffy was ignoring, but they had to cut it for time (like they couldn't have, I dunno, cut some of Dawn's interminable screentime, or some of Sweet's tapdancing, and let Tony sing more? Arrrrgh. Anyhow, avoiding the meta!) so he basically stuffed it all into one verse, which is why I think it feels so literal and expositiony.
2. I don't think this particular reading really adds much to a full analysis, but I wanted to throw it out there: this line is partially in reference to the last task Buffy has had Giles perform: her assumption in "All the Way" that Giles will be the one to discipline Dawn -- in essence, to play Dawn's father. Giles wishes he could assume the role of Dawn's co-parent, or that he would father Dawn while Buffy mothered her. And they would be all hand-holding and such! -- in other words, this would be the blindly 'shippy interpretation. Back to your regularly scheduled analysis.
A B/G perspective
Date: 2005-01-08 04:04 pm (UTC)Wish I could play the father
I think you've missed a key word in here, and that's play. He doesn't want to be Buffy's father, he wishes he could pretend to be her father. There could be two reasons for that: either he believes that what Buffy wants for him and he wants to give her that security, or that is a safer pigeonhole for his emotions. If he can play at being her father, he has a justification for the love that he feels for her and doesn't have to analyze it any further than that. Moreover, society as a whole would approve of a mentor playing the role of father and would wink at a middle-aged man playing the role of lover/sugardaddy; the tangled web of emotions that Giles feels for Buffy would never meet with anyone's approval... least of all from a man who tends to have an extremely low self-image.
Slay your demons
But now that time has passed
I think this is a play on words. Yes, there is absolutely a literal meaning to this phrase, which you have used in your commentary, but there is also a metaphorical one. Buffy's worst demons are always internal and arise from her conflicted feelings towards her destiny, and yes, he used to help her with those. She would come to him for reassurance over her friends (WSWB), her schoolwork (helping with the SATs) and for larger life lessons (Lie to Me). He used to help her work through her emotional crap, and he feels that is no longer his place. The problem, of course, is she has more emotional baggage now than she ever has had before, and he's abandoning her to it.
This metaphor is returned to the literal sense in the seventh season after Buffy's first encounter with an übervamp. He tells the others, "Buffy's not strong enough to fight this thing, but ah well. It's her responsibility and she has to do it on her own." I hated that scene and still hate that scene, but had never before tied it to OMWF. Now that I think about it, they should be seen together.
I really enjoyed this. Off to pimp!
Re: A B/G perspective
Date: 2005-01-08 04:56 pm (UTC)I should mention I read your
[On a sidenote, you talked in the B/G essay and the comments thereon about how a mentor/protegee relationship evolving and changing fascinates you; me it doesn't, possibly because all my relationships with mentors ended abruptly, one tragically, and so it's the workings of that kind of relationship, not the kind that might grow out of it, that fascinates me.]
You're absolutely right about the metaphorical demons, and I should have mentioned that. I still don't think the metaphor holds up, though -- Giles has helped, but Buffy has always had to slay her inner demons on her own. If it were something like, "Face your demons," perhaps, but I think the word "slay" is just too charged to be an appropriate one for Giles too use in reference to himself.
I think Buffy really is asking at the beginning of this season for a change in how Giles relates to her -- he has always been the one she has confided in and relied on for emotional and intellectual support, but now she asking him (at least in his perception) not to help her carry her burden, but to carry it for her.
Another sidenote, not directly related to your thoughts:
Now I feel really badly for not putting in what I thought of as the I-Thou dynamic in the first Wish Triad. Giles's wishes are relational: Wish I... you. I think that if Buffy had turned to Giles instead of to Spike, if she had been at all emotionally open to him, then Giles would have stayed. Buffy won't let Giles take her by the hand -- she just wants to hand over all her problems and let Giles deal with them. And I think that wounds Giles so much that his leaving is a response to a personal affront rather than a rational decision. She doesn't hear a word he says, and he is... he's hurt. Because he cares about her. Not because he's cruel or really trying to engage in tough love. I think his reaction is more centered on his emotions than on Buffy's. He doesn't want to be an "it" to Buffy, doesn't want to be the dependable person on whom she can rely, whom she can use. But now I've really wandered off topic!
Thanks for commenting. Mmm, meta + Giles. Yummy!