church, HP, question set 9
Feb. 1st, 2004 01:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wisdomeagleI didn't go to church this morning. My backup unsexy ride wasn't there, and I didn't even make any effort to find alternate means of getting there/another place to worship. This has happened a lot this school year. I've stopped noticing the lack if I don't go to church.
I feel terrible about this. For as long as I can remember, I've been a church brat. I love church. I live for church. My week has centered around that one hour of transcendence once a week. The thing is, I'm just not getting that this year. It was always someone . First it was Jeane. Then it was B and my other girlies at Old First. Old First was family. Going to see them every week... it was like going to see your best friend in the entire world whom you haven't seen for ages. Only, it was every week.
Then freshman year, it was longing for Old First and finding solace in St. John's, and then there were these ministers, and they were pretty good and made me feel the transcendence every once in awhile.
And then there was sophomore year... sophomore year, church was magic, every single time. It was brilliant, like sex, like flying, like the best caffeine high of your life. These pretty nice ministers became the ministerpeople, and they were my life, and church was like flying, and it made me feel really good. It made me feel like I was okay. It gave me the courage to go on living for the rest of the week.
I was so committed, so enthralled, so in love that I was baptized and joined the church.
And then the ministerpeople left, and they took all the magic with them. and they never said goodbye. And church isn't like flying anymore. It's not like anything. I don't care anymore. I'm almost glad--I am glad--that the backup unsexy ride wasn't there this morning because it meant that I got to sleep for an extra hour. I miss my ministerpeople. I miss Jeane. I miss Old First. I miss actually caring enough about church stuff that missing them takes up some emotional energy. Because right now, church is not taking up a heck of a lot of emotional energy. "None" is a word.
I joined this church. I made a commitment to this church. Not a forever thing, but a real commitment. And I don't think I'm giving much to the church, and I know I'm not getting much from it. It was never about the church, and I realize that. It was about the ministerpeople, and now that they're gone, everything is gone.
I've been waiting on the arrival of the new minister before I do anything drastic. She'll be here in early March. From her trial sermon and the talk we had before church, I'd say she's not ministerperson caliber, but then, who really is, besides the ministerpeople? (Answer: Cynthia, Jeane would have been if she'd lived, Priscilla, maybe Meg Hess. The new minister at Old First. So yes, there are other ministerpeople out there. Just... not at overly complacent rural churches in southern Virginia.) She's more along the lines of the girlies: sweet, a good listener, understanding and willing to talk, but not the kind of person you can really successfully obsess about.
So at the moment, I'm in limbo. Waiting. Biding my time until this minister arrives, who will be responsible for my spiritual health for the next year and a half, who doesn't yet know that she's got a live one on her hands. Poor innocent. But until then, I'm feeling empty. Empty. And I hate that feeling. I hate most of all the feeling that it really doesn't matter anymore.
Church has never been an option. It was just what we did. What I did. What I wanted to do, but want wasn't part of the equation: we went anyhow.
This summer I'm going to have to find myself a church (there's a queer-friendly UCC in Oberlin, though, so I'll probably end up there) and be responsible for getting myself there. I'm worried about what I'll do.
Church has always been about more than simply worship to me. It's about people. It's about belonging. It's about a church community. And St. John's, at the moment, has nothing to offer me in that regard. Or maybe it does, and I just haven't embraced it, but mostly I think it's that they really aren't my kind of people, and I'm not theirs.
Harry Potter survey:
HP Book: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
HP Character: Minerva McGonagall
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw.
Teacher: Professor McGonagall
Creature: Flobberworms!
Candy: Every-Flavor Beans
Book Cover: No opinion.
Quote or Phrase:"...embraced him like a brother." Because every time I read it, I can only think of the LJ icon that shows a rather shocked trio and has the caption, "I thought Rowling said he embraced Black like a brother!"
Chapter: Er... not really sure. "12 Grimmauld Place," perhaps.
Weasley: Molly
Type of Owl: *shrug*
Sorting Hat Song: First year? I didn't really like the fifth year song because, little love as I have for Slytherins...
Member of the Order: Remus Lupin
Hogsmeade Shop: Honeydukes
Favorite Magazine or Newspaper: The Quibbler
Color Dress Robe: Green, like Minerva wears. ::does not have a crush, does not have a crush::
Invisibility Cloak Event: In GoF when CrouchJr!Moody ends up with the Map, Snape is suspicious, and Harry is clueless.
Death Eater: Peter
Obstacle in the Philosopher's Stone:Snape's logic puzzle.
Wand Type: Swishy. :p
Spell: Lumos.
Unforgivable Curse: Avada Kedavra
DADA Teacher: Lupin
Gryffindor: Minerva McGonagall
Ravenclaw: Luna Lovegood
Hufflepuff: Ernie Macmillan
Slytherin: Severus Snape
Portrait: Mrs. Black
Ghost: Nearly Headless Nick
Centaur: Firenze
Quidditch Position: Seeker
Skiving Snackbox: *shrug*
Pensieve Memory: Snape's Worst Memory
Harry or Ron: Both. Preferably in compromising positions.
Ron or Hermione: Hermione. (Though compromising positions work here, too)
Hermione or Cho: Hermione
Cho or Ginny: Ginny
Dumbledore or McGonagall: McGonagall. (Huh. I ship them, too.)
Snape or Lucius: Snape
Black or Lupin: Lupin (And them... can't I just make it into one big HP orgy and not have to choose favorites?)
Draco or Tom:Tom
Draco or Harry: Harry
Snape or Black: Black
James or Sirius: Both. Together. In compromising positions.
Fred or George: Both. Tog--anyone sensing a pattern?
Molly Weasley or Arthur Weasley: Both. To--well, maybe in this case the compromising positions are optional. I mean, some pairings are just a little over the top. :p
Seamus or Dean: Dean
Fleur or Cho: Cho
Fudge or Umbridge: Fudge
Harry or Hermione: Hermione
Hedwig or Crookshanks: Both. Together. *facepalm*
Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia: Aunt Petunia
Moody or Tonks: Moody
... and some questions from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
venusinrapture
1) Do you feel like you missed out on anything by leaving high school early? Nothing What do you think you gained by leaving early? Everything. Romance. People like me. Ironically, more stability than I would have had if I'd stayed at home. Freedom. Getting over Them. True love.
2) Do you still have AIM or MSN installed on Della? If so, how often are you tempted to use them? MSN (You can't delete it) and usually whenever I get off the phone with my girl. I won't tell you how often I actually use it, as that would be telling. It's not that often, though.
3) Have you ever felt like transferring to another school? Yes. If so, have you thought of any in particular/where are they? Well, when I actually made a list, it consisted of a bunch of Ivy Leagues and a bunch of random schools in NJ. They were all on the East Coast, as I recall. The only place I seriously wish I had transferred is Oberlin, for obvious reasons. It's in Ohio.
4) What are you going to do after you graduate? Pack up all my worldly possessions and move to Ohio. My girl and I will live in an apartment for her last year of college and I'll work (likely doing whatever I do this summer) and possibly taking random graduate level classes at Oberlin. Once she finishes college, I really have no idea what's next.
5) Of all the places you've lived/your parents live, where would you want to live permanently? Why? If none of the places that you've lived in/your parents live in are satisfactory, where do you want to live? Why? Of all the places I've been, the one I like best for sheer geographical reasons is Massachusetts. I wouldn't want to live there, though, because that's where at least part of my family is. I really don't care where I'll end up, though. It won't be the South; it'll probably be in this country or in Canada. Ho #2 once said she thought I'd be happy in the Midwest. I've also considered California, the Northeast, the Mid-Atlantic region (read, back home to NJ) and the North West... so really, I have no idea.
I feel terrible about this. For as long as I can remember, I've been a church brat. I love church. I live for church. My week has centered around that one hour of transcendence once a week. The thing is, I'm just not getting that this year. It was always someone . First it was Jeane. Then it was B and my other girlies at Old First. Old First was family. Going to see them every week... it was like going to see your best friend in the entire world whom you haven't seen for ages. Only, it was every week.
Then freshman year, it was longing for Old First and finding solace in St. John's, and then there were these ministers, and they were pretty good and made me feel the transcendence every once in awhile.
And then there was sophomore year... sophomore year, church was magic, every single time. It was brilliant, like sex, like flying, like the best caffeine high of your life. These pretty nice ministers became the ministerpeople, and they were my life, and church was like flying, and it made me feel really good. It made me feel like I was okay. It gave me the courage to go on living for the rest of the week.
I was so committed, so enthralled, so in love that I was baptized and joined the church.
And then the ministerpeople left, and they took all the magic with them. and they never said goodbye. And church isn't like flying anymore. It's not like anything. I don't care anymore. I'm almost glad--I am glad--that the backup unsexy ride wasn't there this morning because it meant that I got to sleep for an extra hour. I miss my ministerpeople. I miss Jeane. I miss Old First. I miss actually caring enough about church stuff that missing them takes up some emotional energy. Because right now, church is not taking up a heck of a lot of emotional energy. "None" is a word.
I joined this church. I made a commitment to this church. Not a forever thing, but a real commitment. And I don't think I'm giving much to the church, and I know I'm not getting much from it. It was never about the church, and I realize that. It was about the ministerpeople, and now that they're gone, everything is gone.
I've been waiting on the arrival of the new minister before I do anything drastic. She'll be here in early March. From her trial sermon and the talk we had before church, I'd say she's not ministerperson caliber, but then, who really is, besides the ministerpeople? (Answer: Cynthia, Jeane would have been if she'd lived, Priscilla, maybe Meg Hess. The new minister at Old First. So yes, there are other ministerpeople out there. Just... not at overly complacent rural churches in southern Virginia.) She's more along the lines of the girlies: sweet, a good listener, understanding and willing to talk, but not the kind of person you can really successfully obsess about.
So at the moment, I'm in limbo. Waiting. Biding my time until this minister arrives, who will be responsible for my spiritual health for the next year and a half, who doesn't yet know that she's got a live one on her hands. Poor innocent. But until then, I'm feeling empty. Empty. And I hate that feeling. I hate most of all the feeling that it really doesn't matter anymore.
Church has never been an option. It was just what we did. What I did. What I wanted to do, but want wasn't part of the equation: we went anyhow.
This summer I'm going to have to find myself a church (there's a queer-friendly UCC in Oberlin, though, so I'll probably end up there) and be responsible for getting myself there. I'm worried about what I'll do.
Church has always been about more than simply worship to me. It's about people. It's about belonging. It's about a church community. And St. John's, at the moment, has nothing to offer me in that regard. Or maybe it does, and I just haven't embraced it, but mostly I think it's that they really aren't my kind of people, and I'm not theirs.
Harry Potter survey:
HP Book: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
HP Character: Minerva McGonagall
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw.
Teacher: Professor McGonagall
Creature: Flobberworms!
Candy: Every-Flavor Beans
Book Cover: No opinion.
Quote or Phrase:"...embraced him like a brother." Because every time I read it, I can only think of the LJ icon that shows a rather shocked trio and has the caption, "I thought Rowling said he embraced Black like a brother!"
Chapter: Er... not really sure. "12 Grimmauld Place," perhaps.
Weasley: Molly
Type of Owl: *shrug*
Sorting Hat Song: First year? I didn't really like the fifth year song because, little love as I have for Slytherins...
Member of the Order: Remus Lupin
Hogsmeade Shop: Honeydukes
Favorite Magazine or Newspaper: The Quibbler
Color Dress Robe: Green, like Minerva wears. ::does not have a crush, does not have a crush::
Invisibility Cloak Event: In GoF when CrouchJr!Moody ends up with the Map, Snape is suspicious, and Harry is clueless.
Death Eater: Peter
Obstacle in the Philosopher's Stone:Snape's logic puzzle.
Wand Type: Swishy. :p
Spell: Lumos.
Unforgivable Curse: Avada Kedavra
DADA Teacher: Lupin
Gryffindor: Minerva McGonagall
Ravenclaw: Luna Lovegood
Hufflepuff: Ernie Macmillan
Slytherin: Severus Snape
Portrait: Mrs. Black
Ghost: Nearly Headless Nick
Centaur: Firenze
Quidditch Position: Seeker
Skiving Snackbox: *shrug*
Pensieve Memory: Snape's Worst Memory
Harry or Ron: Both. Preferably in compromising positions.
Ron or Hermione: Hermione. (Though compromising positions work here, too)
Hermione or Cho: Hermione
Cho or Ginny: Ginny
Dumbledore or McGonagall: McGonagall. (Huh. I ship them, too.)
Snape or Lucius: Snape
Black or Lupin: Lupin (And them... can't I just make it into one big HP orgy and not have to choose favorites?)
Draco or Tom:Tom
Draco or Harry: Harry
Snape or Black: Black
James or Sirius: Both. Together. In compromising positions.
Fred or George: Both. Tog--anyone sensing a pattern?
Molly Weasley or Arthur Weasley: Both. To--well, maybe in this case the compromising positions are optional. I mean, some pairings are just a little over the top. :p
Seamus or Dean: Dean
Fleur or Cho: Cho
Fudge or Umbridge: Fudge
Harry or Hermione: Hermione
Hedwig or Crookshanks: Both. Together. *facepalm*
Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia: Aunt Petunia
Moody or Tonks: Moody
... and some questions from
venusinrapture1) Do you feel like you missed out on anything by leaving high school early? Nothing What do you think you gained by leaving early? Everything. Romance. People like me. Ironically, more stability than I would have had if I'd stayed at home. Freedom. Getting over Them. True love.
2) Do you still have AIM or MSN installed on Della? If so, how often are you tempted to use them? MSN (You can't delete it) and usually whenever I get off the phone with my girl. I won't tell you how often I actually use it, as that would be telling. It's not that often, though.
3) Have you ever felt like transferring to another school? Yes. If so, have you thought of any in particular/where are they? Well, when I actually made a list, it consisted of a bunch of Ivy Leagues and a bunch of random schools in NJ. They were all on the East Coast, as I recall. The only place I seriously wish I had transferred is Oberlin, for obvious reasons. It's in Ohio.
4) What are you going to do after you graduate? Pack up all my worldly possessions and move to Ohio. My girl and I will live in an apartment for her last year of college and I'll work (likely doing whatever I do this summer) and possibly taking random graduate level classes at Oberlin. Once she finishes college, I really have no idea what's next.
5) Of all the places you've lived/your parents live, where would you want to live permanently? Why? If none of the places that you've lived in/your parents live in are satisfactory, where do you want to live? Why? Of all the places I've been, the one I like best for sheer geographical reasons is Massachusetts. I wouldn't want to live there, though, because that's where at least part of my family is. I really don't care where I'll end up, though. It won't be the South; it'll probably be in this country or in Canada. Ho #2 once said she thought I'd be happy in the Midwest. I've also considered California, the Northeast, the Mid-Atlantic region (read, back home to NJ) and the North West... so really, I have no idea.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-01 03:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-01 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-01 07:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-02-01 07:37 pm (UTC)1) What's your favorite scent?
2) What soaps do you follow? Why?
3) Ruminate for a moment on the voluntary suspension of disbelief. What are your thoughts?
4) What's your warmest article of clothing?
5) For whom do you buy presents in December?