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Jan. 31st, 2003 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wisdomeagleWoke up. Went to class. Slept all afternoon. Went to dinner. Came back here, played on the computer. Wrote porn vaguely pornographic fantasies. I'm currently listening to show tunes and feeling lonesome. I really, really wish that it were Sunday. Chronically. Of course.
I'm sick of having to make decisions. I don't want to. I want other people to make the decisions for me. And I have all this schoolwork to do and gah.
Nana moved into a nursing home today. She probably won't leave.
I got an A on my first logic test. Hurrah for me. I wish school mattered to me. I wish school were the only thing that mattered to me. I wish that I hadn't embarked on this journey to wholeness. It's time for my end of week lament, the one that goes, "Maybe I should just call my ride, tell her I don't feel like going to church, and just sleep in. It would be so much easier. No one is making me go to church. I could lie to my parents. Or I could figure out the answer to the question that people have been asking for years--what would my parents do if I stopped going to church? It would be easy. I could tell the ministerpeople--if they even cared enough to ask--that I was through with them, that I was sorry, but it just wasn't working out and I thought it was best if I didn't go back." I do this every week, and every week I go through with going to church, and most of the time it all works out for the best, but I really need to figure out how the hell to make the magic of Sunday last for the rest of the week. I don't know why I'm in such an awful, self-pitying, life sucks and I want to die mood. Maybe it's time to break out the fingerpaints or something...
I'm sick of having to make decisions. I don't want to. I want other people to make the decisions for me. And I have all this schoolwork to do and gah.
Nana moved into a nursing home today. She probably won't leave.
I got an A on my first logic test. Hurrah for me. I wish school mattered to me. I wish school were the only thing that mattered to me. I wish that I hadn't embarked on this journey to wholeness. It's time for my end of week lament, the one that goes, "Maybe I should just call my ride, tell her I don't feel like going to church, and just sleep in. It would be so much easier. No one is making me go to church. I could lie to my parents. Or I could figure out the answer to the question that people have been asking for years--what would my parents do if I stopped going to church? It would be easy. I could tell the ministerpeople--if they even cared enough to ask--that I was through with them, that I was sorry, but it just wasn't working out and I thought it was best if I didn't go back." I do this every week, and every week I go through with going to church, and most of the time it all works out for the best, but I really need to figure out how the hell to make the magic of Sunday last for the rest of the week. I don't know why I'm in such an awful, self-pitying, life sucks and I want to die mood. Maybe it's time to break out the fingerpaints or something...