Ari (creature of dust, child of God) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wisdomeagle) wrote2012-08-23 06:39 pm
wisdomeagle) wrote2012-08-23 06:39 pm
Entry tags:
[coming out] gender
I'm genderqueer.
Lo, I did this 30 Day Non-Binary Challenge that I found on Tumblr, only I'm posting it all on one day. Rated Mature for words to name parts, plus some profanity.
Questions I Frequently Ask Myself about My Gender
What is your gender identity?
Genderqueer femme.
What are yourpreferred pronouns?
Ze/hir, they/them, or she/her. I'm experimenting with non-binary pronouns. You can use any of those three sets for me right now; I'll let you know if any of them become not-okay. I think I'd prefer for people to use non-binary pronouns when possible, but she is still okay.
Do you have a sex identity, and if so, what is it?
I tend to think sex doesn't exist separate from gender, so in that sense, my body is a genderqueer femme body and my bits are genderqueer femme bits. However, I was designated female at birth and I tend to think of my body in those terms (thus, I have a clit, not a smallish cock, etc).
What's your sexual orientation?
I'm a lesbian. I don't have a really good answer for what makes me a lesbian and not e.g. gynophiliac when I'm not a "woman who loves women" because I'm not a woman, but it has to do with coming up and out through the lesbian community (mostly through text) and feeling like the label/history/community is mine -- and the distinctions among bi/les/trans weren't historically totally clear.
So yes. Attracted primarily to women.
What intersections do you have with being outside the binary?
I have chronic mental illnesses; I'm female assigned; I'm lesbian-identified.
What does your gender/s mean to you?
Glittery sparkly fabulous FUCK YOU freakish queer performance of hot awesomeness.
Has your gender/s ever changed?
I don't think so, or, no more than cis people's do. Most little girls grow up to be women. I was a little girl who grew up to be genderqueer. There are genderqueer kids who grow up to be genderqueer; I wasn't really one. But I didn't/don't experience that shift for me as a change; I'm still as much a girl as most women are still girls, or men are still boys. So my gender hasn't changed; it's just that I've grown up.
How has your understanding of your gender/s changed?
Yeah. That's the one that's changed. I used to think I was a girl becoming a woman, but I realized that I didn't have to become a woman (and I don't mean "do womanly things" or conform to stereotypes or anything; I mean be a woman in my self-conception, in people's perceptions of me...). It never felt comfortable to say I was a woman, which I thought was just about age and growing pains, but it's also gendered. I am fine with being an adult. I'm not fine with being an adult woman.
Do you feel you have a full grasp on understanding your gender/s yet?
Nope!
How do you come out as your gender/s?
"I've been exploring gender identity. I'm not a trans man; I'm not a boy, a man, or male. But I'm not exactly a woman either. The words that feel most comfortable are 'genderqueer femme.'"
Do you have facial dysphoria?
No. When I was trying to be a woman, my facial hair distressed me in all sorts of ways, but now that I'm not, it brings me delight. I'm not sure I quite realize yet how much I love looking in the mirror and seeing a genderqueer femme with a beard. But it's a lot.
Do you find it worse to have social dysphoria or bodily dysphoria?
I don't have bodily dysphoria, so perforce social dysphoria is worse.
Do you consider yourself FtM or MtF? Why or why not?
No. Because I'm not. There is not a bit of M in my gender identity.
Does it bother you more to be misgendered as the sex you were designated or assigned at birth, or to be misgendered as the other binary gender?
This is complicated because I am exclusively read as a woman (which corresponds to the sex I was designated at birth), so the idea of being misgendered as a man is exciting to me; being "sir"red would mean that to some extent I've been read correctly as not-a-woman. But over time it would be wearing since I'm closer to being a woman than to being a man; I'm not a man (or male or masculine) at all.
Do you have any politicized identities, such as Muslimah or Latino?
No.
Do you have preferred pronouns in other languages than English? If so, what are they?
No.
Are your gender/s fluid or static?
Static.
What would you want on a government ID card?
X.
Do you consider yourself trans, trans*, transgender, transsexual, or some combination of those terms?
No. When trans, trans*, or transgender are being used as umbrella terms I feel okay about being under that umbrella, but generally, no. My gender is close enough to the gender I was assigned at birth; I have complicated feelings about various kinds of medical interventions, and mostly I don't think of "transition" as a thing that really applies. It's really more a process of coming out as something I've always been (and the way I've always lived).
Mostly I think that claiming trans terminology feels like appropriation (to me given my specific gender and birth assignment, not true of any other non-binary experiences.)
What symbols for your gender or being outside the binary do you like best?
I like the seahorse for non-binary.
Do you like the transgender flag? Why or why not?
It's lovely, although it's not my flag.
Are you proud of being your gender/s?
Yup.
Are you proud of not being the sex you were assigned/designated at birth?
On both of these, what I'm most proud of is being able to think beyond the binary, and find and name my own identity, not the specific contents of that identity.
If you could have been called any pronoun as a child, which pronoun would you want?
Not sure. "They" applied to all children until they claimed a gender, I think.
If official forms had lines instead of boxes for gender, what would you write?
Depending on how official, "genderqueer femme" is pretty accurate and descriptive. And if the form's got a line instead of a box, then I figure that form is okay with all sorts of write-ins.
What kinds of microaggressions do you receive most often?
The constant unrelenting gender binary in everything from bathrooms to clothing stores.
Are you stealth off the internet, or out to a few people?
I'm out to my pastor and her wife. And my therapist. Also people like Elizabeth, who's... idk, she exists off the internet as well as on it?
Also, I don't think stealth non-binary is really possible, at least for me and my particular non-binary gender. "Stealth" refers to a trans person who is read consistantly as the correct gender and is not out as trans. If non-binary people are read correctly, then they're not being stealthy; if they're closested, they're not being read as the correct gender.
I hope to come out to my family (dad and sister), and then to Everyone Else (via Facebook) for National Coming Out Day. That is, to come out to dad and sister first so that on NCOD I can come out to the whole world.
Do you have any mottos related to your gender/s?
"My gender is fuck you" and "whatever whatever we do what we want."
What's your favorite 101?
Not Your Mom's Trans 101 is the best 101 I've seen.
What are your dreams regarding your gender/s?
I want everyone to have a My Sexuality Story and a My Gender Story and for all those stories to be unique and intersting and valid. I want non-gendered or gender-inclusive language used consistantly everywhere. Ideally people would understand my ridiculous quirky list of words that are and aren't okay and when and in relation to which people, but in the meantime I would like people to see me as uniquely myself and not include me in categories that don't fit (women, females, God help us but "ladies" still happens in my life.)
I'm probably gonna go hide at some point because coming out is terrifying, but quick note for those who're friends with me on Facebook: I'm not out, but I'm not closeted either -- it's my responsibility to come out to people in meatspace, but I don't need you to closet me.
Lo, I did this 30 Day Non-Binary Challenge that I found on Tumblr, only I'm posting it all on one day. Rated Mature for words to name parts, plus some profanity.
Questions I Frequently Ask Myself about My Gender
What is your gender identity?
Genderqueer femme.
What are your
Ze/hir, they/them, or she/her. I'm experimenting with non-binary pronouns. You can use any of those three sets for me right now; I'll let you know if any of them become not-okay. I think I'd prefer for people to use non-binary pronouns when possible, but she is still okay.
Do you have a sex identity, and if so, what is it?
I tend to think sex doesn't exist separate from gender, so in that sense, my body is a genderqueer femme body and my bits are genderqueer femme bits. However, I was designated female at birth and I tend to think of my body in those terms (thus, I have a clit, not a smallish cock, etc).
What's your sexual orientation?
I'm a lesbian. I don't have a really good answer for what makes me a lesbian and not e.g. gynophiliac when I'm not a "woman who loves women" because I'm not a woman, but it has to do with coming up and out through the lesbian community (mostly through text) and feeling like the label/history/community is mine -- and the distinctions among bi/les/trans weren't historically totally clear.
So yes. Attracted primarily to women.
What intersections do you have with being outside the binary?
I have chronic mental illnesses; I'm female assigned; I'm lesbian-identified.
What does your gender/s mean to you?
Glittery sparkly fabulous FUCK YOU freakish queer performance of hot awesomeness.
Has your gender/s ever changed?
I don't think so, or, no more than cis people's do. Most little girls grow up to be women. I was a little girl who grew up to be genderqueer. There are genderqueer kids who grow up to be genderqueer; I wasn't really one. But I didn't/don't experience that shift for me as a change; I'm still as much a girl as most women are still girls, or men are still boys. So my gender hasn't changed; it's just that I've grown up.
How has your understanding of your gender/s changed?
Yeah. That's the one that's changed. I used to think I was a girl becoming a woman, but I realized that I didn't have to become a woman (and I don't mean "do womanly things" or conform to stereotypes or anything; I mean be a woman in my self-conception, in people's perceptions of me...). It never felt comfortable to say I was a woman, which I thought was just about age and growing pains, but it's also gendered. I am fine with being an adult. I'm not fine with being an adult woman.
Do you feel you have a full grasp on understanding your gender/s yet?
Nope!
How do you come out as your gender/s?
"I've been exploring gender identity. I'm not a trans man; I'm not a boy, a man, or male. But I'm not exactly a woman either. The words that feel most comfortable are 'genderqueer femme.'"
Do you have facial dysphoria?
No. When I was trying to be a woman, my facial hair distressed me in all sorts of ways, but now that I'm not, it brings me delight. I'm not sure I quite realize yet how much I love looking in the mirror and seeing a genderqueer femme with a beard. But it's a lot.
Do you find it worse to have social dysphoria or bodily dysphoria?
I don't have bodily dysphoria, so perforce social dysphoria is worse.
Do you consider yourself FtM or MtF? Why or why not?
No. Because I'm not. There is not a bit of M in my gender identity.
Does it bother you more to be misgendered as the sex you were designated or assigned at birth, or to be misgendered as the other binary gender?
This is complicated because I am exclusively read as a woman (which corresponds to the sex I was designated at birth), so the idea of being misgendered as a man is exciting to me; being "sir"red would mean that to some extent I've been read correctly as not-a-woman. But over time it would be wearing since I'm closer to being a woman than to being a man; I'm not a man (or male or masculine) at all.
Do you have any politicized identities, such as Muslimah or Latino?
No.
Do you have preferred pronouns in other languages than English? If so, what are they?
No.
Are your gender/s fluid or static?
Static.
What would you want on a government ID card?
X.
Do you consider yourself trans, trans*, transgender, transsexual, or some combination of those terms?
No. When trans, trans*, or transgender are being used as umbrella terms I feel okay about being under that umbrella, but generally, no. My gender is close enough to the gender I was assigned at birth; I have complicated feelings about various kinds of medical interventions, and mostly I don't think of "transition" as a thing that really applies. It's really more a process of coming out as something I've always been (and the way I've always lived).
Mostly I think that claiming trans terminology feels like appropriation (to me given my specific gender and birth assignment, not true of any other non-binary experiences.)
What symbols for your gender or being outside the binary do you like best?
I like the seahorse for non-binary.
Do you like the transgender flag? Why or why not?
It's lovely, although it's not my flag.
Are you proud of being your gender/s?
Yup.
Are you proud of not being the sex you were assigned/designated at birth?
On both of these, what I'm most proud of is being able to think beyond the binary, and find and name my own identity, not the specific contents of that identity.
If you could have been called any pronoun as a child, which pronoun would you want?
Not sure. "They" applied to all children until they claimed a gender, I think.
If official forms had lines instead of boxes for gender, what would you write?
Depending on how official, "genderqueer femme" is pretty accurate and descriptive. And if the form's got a line instead of a box, then I figure that form is okay with all sorts of write-ins.
What kinds of microaggressions do you receive most often?
The constant unrelenting gender binary in everything from bathrooms to clothing stores.
Are you stealth off the internet, or out to a few people?
I'm out to my pastor and her wife. And my therapist. Also people like Elizabeth, who's... idk, she exists off the internet as well as on it?
Also, I don't think stealth non-binary is really possible, at least for me and my particular non-binary gender. "Stealth" refers to a trans person who is read consistantly as the correct gender and is not out as trans. If non-binary people are read correctly, then they're not being stealthy; if they're closested, they're not being read as the correct gender.
I hope to come out to my family (dad and sister), and then to Everyone Else (via Facebook) for National Coming Out Day. That is, to come out to dad and sister first so that on NCOD I can come out to the whole world.
Do you have any mottos related to your gender/s?
"My gender is fuck you" and "whatever whatever we do what we want."
What's your favorite 101?
Not Your Mom's Trans 101 is the best 101 I've seen.
What are your dreams regarding your gender/s?
I want everyone to have a My Sexuality Story and a My Gender Story and for all those stories to be unique and intersting and valid. I want non-gendered or gender-inclusive language used consistantly everywhere. Ideally people would understand my ridiculous quirky list of words that are and aren't okay and when and in relation to which people, but in the meantime I would like people to see me as uniquely myself and not include me in categories that don't fit (women, females, God help us but "ladies" still happens in my life.)
I'm probably gonna go hide at some point because coming out is terrifying, but quick note for those who're friends with me on Facebook: I'm not out, but I'm not closeted either -- it's my responsibility to come out to people in meatspace, but I don't need you to closet me.