oh, we're past procrastination now

[wisdomeagle]

Dear fandom:


Dear Star Trek: The Original Series, Thank you for giving us the word and the concept "slash." Thank you for giving us cliches that we will never loose. Thank you for the possibility of refs by both Jack O'Neill and John Chrichton that make both characters infinitely more cool. Thank you for Trekkies. Thank you for Galaxy Quest.

I'm sorry I was not devoted enough to you to actually watch any episodes. And I will never forgive you for spawning the Trek franchise.

Dear Next Gen: Thank you for "Chain of Command," "Tapestry," and "Frame of Mind." Thank you for Q. Thank you for giving John DeLancie a career. Thank you for Galaxy Quest. Thank you for the song "John Luc Picard Has No Hair." Thank you for Trekkies. Thank you for spiny lobefish.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to you to actually care about any of the characters. And I'll never forgive you for Ronnie Cox. Senator Kinsey is all your fault.

Dear Voyager, Thank you for the mpreg fic on "Bad Fanfic! No Biscuit!" Thank you for Trekkies.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to you to watch more than one episode. I will never, ever, as long as I live, forgive you for pregnant lizards. Especially since you called the episode "Threshold."

Dear Deep Space Nine, Thank you for Garak/Bashir and for introducing thousands of fangirls to the world of slash. Thank you for being dark, at least for Trek. Thank you for being DML's favorite Trek. Thank you for being politically correct.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to you to really care. I'll never forgive you for having DVDs that are too damned expensive!

Dear Enterprise, Thank you for giving the Trekkies something to do. I'm sorry I don't care, and I will never forgive you for failing to give it a rest for crying out loud.

Dear Highlander: Thank you for introducing lots of fangirls to slash. Thank you for X.

I'm sorry that I'll never be able to watch you because I'll never forgive you for Peter Wingfield as Methos. Tanith does not slash, dammit!

Dear Due South, Thank you for slash. Thank you for spawning interesting meta-discussions about slash.

I'm sorry that I know virtually nothing about you except character names and the existence of slash. Therefore, I have nothing to forgive.

Dear Sentinel, Thank you so much for Jim/Blair, for blooper reels, for canon, for all the slashers you brought to fandom. Thank you especially for wistful_fever. Thank you for slash.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to watch you, but I swear, that will change in just a few weeks! I'll never forgive you for spawning bad slash cliches and the genre that is smarm.

Dear Tomorrow People, Thank you for sage_theory.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually read her crossover fic. I will never forgive you for not letting Meg focus all of her attention on Stargate.

Dear Mutant X, thank you for ochretones.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to know anything else about you. And I will never forgive you for being ruined by Tribune.

Dear Star Wars (original trilogy): Thank you for the Star Wars theme. Thank you for being a part of pop culture. Thank you for being an epic quest. Thank you for "Luke, I am your father," for light sabres, for Yoda, for references in RENT, in Stargate, and in Farscape. Thank you for once upon a time in a galaxy far away. Thank you for looking so awesome in IMAX that it takes one's breath away. Thank you for being Teal'c's favorite. Thank you for Star Wars geeks.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to stay awake for the end of Return of the Jedi. I will never forgive you for "Full Circle" and Darth Anubis. I know it's not your fault, but I blame you anyhow.

Dear Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, Thank you for keeping stupid slashgirls away from my fandoms. Thank you for giving Star Wars geeks something to do.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually watch, but I will still never forgive you for sucking (or so I am told.) And I don't think I could ever forgive you for giving episode II such a stupid name.

Dear X-Files: Thank you for the words "UST," "RST," "shipper," "ship," and the concept of noromo. Thank you for Xanthe's beautiful BDSM fic "24/7."

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to watch an episode, and I'm sorry that I read fic without having watched you, and I'll never, ever forgive you for making the Asgard evil! How dare you?!

Dear Buffy, Thank you for Willow. Thank you for Willow/Tara. Thank you, in all sincerity, for portraying a lesbian relationship on a real TV show. Thank you for mazi and creating so many other fen. Thank you for being almost mainstream.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually watch you, and I'll never, ever forgive you for killing Tara and for being more popular than Stargate. And you know, the movie kind of sucked, didn't it? (Additionally, I'm sorry for having seen the movie but not any of the show.)

Dear Yami No Matseui, Thank you for making Zoe happy. Thank you for entertaining me for a weekend. Thank you for shounen-ai. Thank you for purple-eyed heroes. Thank you for prettiness.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually seek out fanfic. I'll never forgive you for drawing Zoe's attention away from sci-if.

Dear Gravitation: Thank you for canonical yaoi! Thank you for making me giggle! Thank you for pretty boys! Thank you for helping me make a new friend.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually get the characters names straight. I'll never forgive you for making Schuici even more girly than the most cliched BSO in live action fandom.

Dear Lord of the Rings (book-verse), Thank you for being wonderful. Thank you for subtext so thick you can cut it with a knife. Thank you for Sam/Frodo and thank you for LotR geeks and thank you for Elvish tongues and thank you for a rich and complex universe. Thank you for Ents. Thank you for Galadriel. Thank you for introducing me to slash.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to learn Quenya. I'll never forgive you for spawning the movies. Ever.

Dear Lord of the Rings (movies), Thank you for the Very Secret Diaries and for lots of slashy parodies. Thank you for getting stupid slashgirls out of my fandom. Thank you for entertaining if_. Thank you for meta-discussion.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to plunge a silver stake through your undead heart. I'll never forgive you for Aragorn/Legolas, for stupid fangirls, for Mary Sues, for glutting the book fandom with people who can't punctuate. I'll never forgive you for making Lord of the Rings mainstream, for making Arwen a Mary Sue, for making Gimli comic relief, for the cult of Orlando Bloom. I'll never forgive you for stupid flamewars. I'll never forgive you for LotRiPS

Dear Harry Potter (books), thank you for being awesome. Thank you for being arc-heavy. Thank you for Snape, for McGonagall, for Remus Lupin, for Hermione, for adalindil and for entertaining if_, for pissing off the religious right, for not being afraid to do your own thing, for not shying away from (is there anyone who hasn't read OotP yet? Ah well. Spoiler space anyhow) killing off popular characters. Thank you for slashy subtext and shippy subtext and the biscuit scene. Thank you for being my sister's first fandom. Thank you for giving me something to talk to my father about so I shut up about Stargate once in while.

I'm sorry I wasn't devoted enough to actually read you until last summer. I'll never forgive you if for being so popular. I'll never forgive you if the last two books suck. I'll never forgive you for being only seven books long.

Dear Harry Potter (movie). Thank you for...

Aw, screw that. I'll never forgive you for making Harry Potter mainstream, and I'll never forgive you for Draco Malfoy. EVER.

Dear Pirate of the Caribbean: Thank you for a few amusing quotes. Thank you for getting the Orlando Bloom fangirls out of the LotR fandom for a few minutes.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to actually watch you, and I'll never ever forgive you for perpetuating the cult of Orlando Bloom.

Dear Xena, Thank you for subtext, for Xena/Gabrielle, for "shows with an X in the title" for certain memories that aren't going in a public journal because they're too damned stupid.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to watch you. I'll never forgive you for Hercules cross-overs.

Dear Hercules: I hate you. I hate you so much. I'll never forgive you for contaminating Xena. I'll never forgive you for Kevin Sorbo. NEVER. Not as long as I live. GIVE ME BACK MY ANDROMEDA, YOU BASTARD.

Dear Earth Final Conflict, thank you for in-jokes, "Sandovall's Run" and "In Memory," even though I was spoiled for them already.

I'm sorry I wasn't devoted enough to remember that the triple-helical DNA was from you. I'll never forgive you for being wrecked by Tribune.

Dear RENT, Thank you for an awesome soundtrack. Thank you for great quotes, for getting stuck in my head on a fairly regular basis, for being beautiful and sad and lovely and true. Thank you for all that is holy.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to do anything more than listen to the soundtrack several dozen times. I'll never forgive you for having non-canonical slashes. What's up with that? There are canon queer characters, for frell's sake!

Dear Queer as Folk, Thank you for "Slash is anything that's more explicit than canon, except for the QAF fandom, where they'd have to stick the cameras where the sun don't shine to do that."

I'm sorry I was never at all devoted to you.

And now for the special ones:
Dear Dark Angel: Thank you for Max/Logan. Thank you for Logan Cale. Thank you for being so awesome. Thank you for UST. Thank you for one of the best weekends of my life. Thank you (preemptively) for Thanksgiving this year. Thank you for weirding me out (Lydecker is the Beast. Joshua is Zipacna. Michael Weatherby's birthday is July 8. Normal is the doctor from "In Memory") on a fairly regular basis. Thank you for metaphors.

I'm sorry that the first time she asked, I told my roommate I didn't want to watch you. I'm sorry I have such difficulty with episode titles. I'm sorry I didn't love you enough. I'm not sorry I'm staying out of your fandom to avoid being spoiled for the ending. And I will never, ever forgive you if "Freak Nation" disappoints me in any way.

PS: I love you.

Dear Andromeda: Thank you for in-jokes, for the Slipstream, for ex-Isle, for hooking DML and Zoe on fandom. Thank you for John Burke. Thank you for Trance, Tyr, Harper, and Beka. Thank you for Dylan/Rev ship. Thank you for pairings that make me want to hurt my brain. Thank you for Andromeda Uncovered. Thank you for fabulous episodes. Thank you for season one. Thank you for the first half of season 2. Thank you for my roommate's depressing Beka-on-flash-fic. Thank you for Harperlet. Thank you for fanvids, for fabulousness.

I'm sorry I wasn't devoted enough to watch you for an entire year. I'm sorry the only fanfic I've written for you is a terrible Stargate crossover written solely to ship Trance with Thor. I'm sorry I am not worthy of your science and your writing. I'll never forgive you for being good and getting ruined by Tribune.

PS: I love you.
Dear Farscape, Thank you for everything. Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for being dark. Thank you for being funny. Thank you for being literate. Thank you for 171 backgrounds and 377 megs of musicvidoes. Thank you for all Scorpy/Braca, for John/Scorpius, for Harvey, for slash, for Rygel, for more in-jokes and metaphors I can count. Thank you for naming stars. Thank you for John/Aeryn. Thank you for beauty. Thank you for references to bodily fluids. Thank you.

I'm sorry I didn't like you the first time I saw you. I'm sorry I don't give you the love you deserve. I'm sorry that even though I know you're a better show, I like Stargate better. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And I will never, ever forgive you for being so awesome and getting cancelled. I'll never forgive you for making my roommate sad.

PS: I love you.

Dear Sherlock Holmes: Thank you for Holmes/Watson. For the best slashfic in the world. For "Your Mistake," which is still stuck in my head. For making me fall in love with Sherlock Holmes constantly.

I'm sorry I'm not devoted enough to write fanfic for you, but I want to. I'm sorry I've only read the source material once. I'm not sorry for slashing Holmes and Watson though. They deserve each other. I'll never forgive you in the H/W archive doesn't come back online.

PS: I love you.

& finally:

Dear Stargate SG-1: There are no words, my love. Thank you for.... everything. Thank you for fanfic and for 360 desktop backgrounds and for seven gigs of episodes and for one gig of musicvids. Thank you for (everyone's seen Fallen, right? Or at least knows the spoilers? Right? Oh well) Daniel descending naked. Thank you for saving my life over and over again. Thank you for Jack, for Daniel, for Sam, for Teal'c, for Janet, for everything. For actors. For DML. For slash. For the glasses scene. For spacemonkey.

I'm sorry I was never devoted enough to get your name tatooed on my ass, since honestly, I don't know what more you want out of me. I'll never forgive you if you break my heart (but I know you will).

I love you so much.


Well, there we are. Every fandom I could think of. What a waste of a perfectly good afternoon.

Comments

Tomorrow People says welcome...

[sage-theory.livejournal.com]

hehehe.

However, TP resents that you think Meg should spend all her time on Stargate fan fic.

Meg, however, is laughing and turning an interesting shade of pink.

And she will quit referring to herself in the second/third person.

She promises.

Re: Tomorrow People says welcome...

[wisdomeagle]

Tell TP I said hi. :p

Ari thinks Meg is amusing.

Ari thinks Meg should definately write more Stargate fanfic.

And TP will just have to deal with that.