Cliff Penelope, I don't want Odysseus' arrow through my chest. Shag Helen, those who attempt a longer relationship with her meet untimely ends (but she's really just too tempting not to tap at least once). Marry Briseis, and hope to the gods Achilles is already dead, or at least just stews in his tent rather than trying to kill me.

Cassiopeia, Cassandra, Galatea (Pygmalion's)